Reply to Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not sure why a gov't employee plus a second income can't afford a home in a decent area and have to rent a tiny apartment unless you have tons of debt we don't know about or a special situation (supporting elderly parents , etc.)[/quote]

This. DH and I are both government lawyers. We have a "shitshack" 1000 sq ft SFH in Bethesda and send 2 kids to daycare. It's tight because of the daycare but doable. Once day care is not in the picture it will be much more comfortable. And we picked Bethesda for the schools (right or wrong). If you want a huge house in an expensive area on 2 government salaries, you will be disappointed. But there's no reason you can't get a decent, if small, place in a close-in suburb, or a bigger place in a farther-out suburb like Rockville or Fairfax.[/quote]

There's quite a bit of distance between "shitshack" and "huge house in huge expensive area."  Even a shitshack in Bethesda runs you well into the high 6 figures. Then you get into the "slightly okayish house that would be worth 250k elsewhere, but is 1.4 million in Bethsda" category, and so on.  [/quote]

True. Ours was a little under $650k because that's what we could afford as a new GS-14 and GS-13. No driveway, no garage, galley kitchen with no dishwasher, only one full bath when we moved in (we eventually added a shower and sink in the basement which already had a toilet), 2 small-medium bedrooms and one tiny one. Etc. Typical small 1940s colonial around here. Would be worth $250k or less where I grew up outside of Philly, even in an outstanding school district and close to public transit. Which makes me sad every time I think about it. :) We didn't even have a car for the first 4 years we lived here; now we have one car for family use and both commute by metro.

But the point is it can be done -- it's just a question of trade-offs. If OP doesn't want to trade anything, well, then she's never going to be happy with her situation. Obviously the calculation is different for everyone but DH and I both decided Biglaw was not for us. We each spent a few years there, living in tiny studios while frantically paying off college and law school loans, then jumped to the government, accepted the much more modest money, and never looked back. If OP doesn't want to go that route that's fine of course, but to say one can't afford anything better than what she has on a government lawyer salary plus another salary (which sounds high-earning) is just ridiculous unless there is some other major factor at play, like special needs kids, expensive car or student loans, parents to take care of, etc. More money does not necessarily bring happiness. If her DH is happy where he is, and is making what sounds like $100k at a minimum, that is a pretty good deal. He can go to biglaw and earn 4 times as much and be miserable, and make everyone else miserable too. I saw a lot of friends go this route and it is not worth it. [/quote]

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