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[quote=Anonymous]Hi Nanci and Kimberlee

My name is Ashlee Tovar and I'm Jane's lead assistant. I'll be onboarding you as one of her new friend groups and will be here to support you throughout this...um...magical process as you move further toward Jane's inner circles. Yes, the plural is intentional. There are several inner circles and several friend groups. More on that in a minute. .

The attached contract has been prepared for your digital signature and I'll keep it on file here at...um...Jane Capsticher World HQ. She makes me say that. I go to Texas State and I work out of an apartment I share with four other girls in downtown San Marcos, but if she ever mentions the World HQ thing, I recommend you just smile and nod. She'll move on to another topic quickly.

Also be advised that Jane has shortened your names to "Nance" and "Kimber" so I hope that's OK. If not, oh well, LOL. .

Here are the Cliff Notes versions so I'll just...um...jump on in. (Oh boy.)

.There's a long list of prohibited topics (pls refer to Addendum A) but in general, she doesn't like you to ask when the last time Trevor called her was, when the last time Trevor came to see her, who pays for the hotel when Jane and Trevor go to NYC, and so on. Basically, any question that pertains to Trevor's level of effort is off-limits. Also, you have to follow Trevor on Facebook and Instagram, purchase his...um...best-selling books, and heart every comment that he makes on Jane's social media posts - don't worry, there aren't that many. And, you don't have to read his books, just have them on hand. The main talking points are that Trevor is a black man and that Cancer is his personality. You're welcome

Pictures with Jane: There will be pictures at every in-person meetup with Jane, which includes FT calls. The ultimate goal here is for Jane to be in the centermost, featured, or most flattering position, so don't stick her on the end, in a shadow, and stand slightly behind her, unless she asks you to do otherwise. She's got a known issue with...um...cameltoe, so sometimes she'll ask you to help her camouflage that although she can usually take care of that herself with one her her um...amazing bags from Shillable. BTW, one of the perks of being part of one of Jane's Ride or Die groups is that you get a shot at her castoff bags from Shillable. Distribution happens more often than you think since those bags aren't very well made. Um...don't say I said that, k?

.Jane prefers her friends to rock the no-makeup look and if you have to wear lipstick, please no bright shades that might draw attention from she-who-must-not-be-named. Unless otherwise specified, jeans and sweatshirts (not fitted) are fine for meetups.

.Per the signed agreement, Jane or one of her team, is authorized to turn screenshots of your texts or awkward grabs of your FT call showing your nose hairs into content. Privacy Schmivacy..

While there's no enforced requirement for you to discuss...um...vajingles or vibrators or seggsologists with Jane, be OK with her repeatedly insisting that those are amongst the most-discussed topic when it's um...just you girlies...together. And, if she starts in on any sort of de lulu-ass descriptions of what she and Trevor get up to in the bedroom, then just try not to listen or use some breathing exercises or something to block it out. <fistbump emoji fistbump emoji fistbump emoji> #solidarity #hegay .

Make yourself available for command performances at the following events:- 
MECAMP - this year's location is somewhere called Drooble Heights. Do any of you by chance have a concealed carry permit?
MECRUISE w/ an optional River Cruise - You might be able to get out of the River Cruise because Ashli and I have told Jane that unless she includes airfare to Belgium, or wherever TF, it's hard for ppl to participate but you're not going to to be able to work out of the Caribbean one easily because airfares is pretty affordable to Miami, at least that's what Jane says. Those things are about as fun as having your annual pap smear but, again, breathing exercises may be helpful

.- Any book events for Jane or Trevor within a 150-mile of Austin Metro Area. Same applies if - heaven forbid - any of her spawn should decide to publish a book. Unless it's a tell-all. I'm not sure about that so best not to mention unless it comes up

.You are in "Experimental Friend Group B." There are two established friend groups, and various experimental groups will cycle through so we can see how they gel with HERSELF (UM AKA determine your levels of self-esteem, free time, and tolerance for living on the fringes of someone else's la la land) so that's where we are now.

.You'll be receiving a "Friend Group Starter Pack" in a separate email, which contains a five percent discount code for apparel items in the Jane Capstitcher Online Store and a link to sign up for the Book Club.

.Give me a shout if you need anything or if you just need someone to lend a friendly ear while you rage scream into a throw pillow. Welcome on board.
Chow.Ashlee[/quote]

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