Reply to Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]All the sahm’s I know are clear about what we’ve given up: career (to varying degrees), income, societal respect (depending on your circle), marital power (depending on wealth)…

What bothers me about many wohm I know is that they insist they’ve given up nothing. They “have it all”—as if the hundreds of hours of one-on-one parenting, freedom and slower pace have no value to kids, moms or families. It’s like, yes, they’ve *acquired* it all, but there is so much they missed out on. And that’s okay because we’re all making trade-offs.  [/quote]

I don't disagree with your overarching point about us all having tradeoffs but I don't think the people who want to claim they've figured it all out and have only benefit and no downside are limited to wohms. I know sahms like that too. I think some people deal with their insecurities (and perhaps some grief over what they lost in order to make their life work) by simply denying it. It's not enough to say "I'm happy with my choices -- these tradeoffs were the right thing for me." It has to be "There are no tradeoffs -- everything about my life is correct and people who do it another way are simply wrong." Admitting that there are ANY compromises in their life means allowing doubt to creep in and some people cannot live with doubt of any kind.

It's the same with decisions like whether to have kids at all or whether to get married or whether to go to grad school. Some people can handle the fact that making these choices always implies a loss of the road not traveled. But some people are okay contemplating the sliding doors type situation we all find ourselves in and can even use it to have empathy towards other people instead of to feel bad about ourselves.[/quote]

+1. Life is full of trade offs. [/quote]

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