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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Why this? If OP tells the husband and what happens is what you predict - that the affair is out in the open, no longer fun and sexy, and falls apart- and the DH decides to stay with OP, she will forever know he's only with her because he basically settled when he couldn't be with his AP. Why would anyone want that? I sympathize that she is getting a divorce she doesn't want and that blows. I really do feel for her. But if you have to basically hamstring someone into being married to you, you don't have a marriage worth having. If he's willing to divorce her because he feels this way about someone else, she doesn't magically have an intact, healthy marriage just because the other person is suddenly unavailable. The marriage is already dead. [/quote]

OP here.  Exactly.  If he wants her, he should go and get her.  Really.  It hurts like a thousand knives stabbing my heart, but I don't want a man that behaves this way.  It sucks that we've become a cliche.  It sucks that he is so messed up that he's ok with doing this to our family.  But now that I see that this is what he is capable of, I don't want any part of it.

Should he see the err of his ways and come begging for forgiveness, I would consider going to therapy with him to see if there is anything to salvage.  But I'm not chasing him.  
I'm so dreading this weekend.  Seeing my kids faces . . . seeing them even today and knowing that they have just hours left before their entire world explodes.  It kills me.  It makes me so angry at him.

[/quote]

I'm the PP who wrote that and I think you have the right idea. You can really do better than forcing a man to stay with you. I'm glad you recognize it. I'm sorry you have to go through this this weekend with your kids. Probably one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. Just focus on being health for yourself and for them... and let the chips fall where they may for your husband and the other woman. [/quote]

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