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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]dont do what my parents did. they dropped the bomb as soon as my mom found out my dad was cheating. he essentially left the house and moved in with the other woman. meanwhile, [b]mom became horrendously depressed and supremely bitter and even to this day, 30 years later, badmouths my father and how much he screwed her over. [/b]It made it so terrible for us kids--like, if we loved our father, we were damaging and further hurting our mother. and no one was there for us. Totally effed up my brother, who was afraid to be anything like his father and married a crazy woman who walks all over him. And made me very, very scared of intimacy, with a string of eating disorders, and messed up relationships. I am now finally married, more or less happily, and can't imagine doing to my kids what my parents did, knowing how it would affect them.[/quote]

I'm PP @13:34, and yes, this is exactly the way it played out in my case (to the point that I wonder if you are my sibling), down to the impacts on my siblings and I.  One sibling was so damaged (and also probably on the spectrum) that they've never been able to have a long term romantic relationship with anyone.  The other sibling and I are both on 2nd marriages, having chosen toxic/damaged partners (much like our parents) the first time.  In mid-life, after lots of therapy and two failed marriages, we are both finally in stable, loving, non-toxic marriages.  [/quote]

This is how my mom is also.  OP, think about your kids and your own well being.  Will you or your kids benefit from telling the husband?  No.  It will just be more fuel to a fire that will continue to burn as long as you let it. (Moreover, in this instance, it may leave your kids without his income).  Instead, start now on trying to move on.  Forget about him, other than to the extent that he is the father of your kids.  If you had no kids, it would be obvious that you should cut off your ties and take a break.  With kids, it is more complicated, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to move on. [/quote]

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