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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think there are good reasons not to tell, including keeping away from the drama, focusing on yourself the kids, coparenting. And the job issue.

But I also think there is a reason to tell and that is that once the affair is no longer secret on anyone's part, and is out in the cold, cruel light of the day, and the consequences start to rack up, well often that is when the affair glow wears off. If OP has any interest in potentially salvaging her marriage, the affair needs to stop first, which it clearly hasn't. There  is no guarantee that telling will stop it, but if the OW is lying to her husband and still seeing OP's spouse, they are still living in fantasy life. real life is much harder on affairs. If OP has no intention of EVER salvaging her marriage, then telling is probably not in her interest.

OP, check out surviving infidelity. you might get some pointers there. In the meantime, I wish you the best possible in this terrible situation. [/quote]

Op, this exactly!!![/quote]

Why this? If OP tells the husband and what happens is what you predict - that the affair is out in the open, no longer fun and sexy, and falls apart- and the DH decides to stay with OP, she will forever know he's only with her because he basically settled when he couldn't be with his AP. Why would anyone want that? I sympathize that she is getting a divorce she doesn't want and that blows. I really do feel for her. But if you have to basically hamstring someone into being married to you, you don't have a marriage worth having. If he's willing to divorce her because he feels this way about someone else, she doesn't magically have an intact, healthy marriage just because the other person is suddenly unavailable. The marriage is already dead. [/quote]

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