Reply to SIL getting remarried but no humility re 2nd wedding

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a third wife--that's right, my husband was married TWICE before me.  And yet we still had a wedding when we got married.  It was probably fairly understated by some people's standards--[b]no bridesmaids or groomsmen, finger foods reception at our house afterward, no associated showers, engagement parties, etc.[/b]  But it was still a church wedding with about 100 people, most of whom gave us very nice gifts (and, yes, we registered).

Here's the thing: none of them questioned us or were nasty about it.  They were gracious and generous.  They didn't begrudge my husband for having a second wedding (only one of his previous marriages had included a wedding).  Instead, all of his friends and family really love him, and they'd watched him through a lifetime of poor decisions and bad luck in love, and I like to think that they were optimistic that maybe he'd gotten it right this time.  (And, indeed, our marriage has already lasted 3x as long as his longest previously.)

So, that's another option for you: just be happy for the new couple, and offer them the love and support that marriage requires.  I tend to agree that most of the trappings of a wedding are pretty stupid, so you can skip or minimize that stuff and focus instead on supporting the new couple and their life ahead.
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So, nothing like the OP's situation.  Her SIL is asking her to shell out money to be a bridesmaid again.  And that is where I draw the line.  (That and a registry for a second wedding.)

Although, I can top this.  My best friend had someone ask her to be a bridesmaid.  My friend bought her (nonrefundable) dress, and the friend called off the wedding.  Friend then got engaged again, asked the same women to be her bridesmaids, and then chose a different bridesmaids dress that they had to buy.  [/quote]

My point was that, regardless of the details, we chose to have a wedding, which our guests could have deemed "tacky" and derided us for.  Some posters here are even implying that they probably did so behind our backs.  I would rather choose to believe that the love and kindness they expressed on our wedding day and subsequently was genuine. I was hoping that the OP could see through the lace and tule to appreciate that the bride and groom are still starting a new life journey, and they'll still benefit from the support of their family and friends.

I guess another thing shaping my perspective is that I dislike most of the trappings of big weddings whether the first time or subsequent times.  In every case, we can either choose to focus on the excessiveness of engagement parties and seated dinners, or we can just be kind to the bride and groom while exercising our own capacity to set limits on how we will participate.  [/quote]

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