Reply to Stopping caring saved my marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't know that I really agree with this line of thinking. Maybe my husband is more..malleable than many men? I wouldn't have thought so but my take on this kind of thing is that bottom line, I don't take crap. I deserve to be treated a certain way and I am going to get that treatment.

When we were first married, he did that thing many men do where they go to the grocery store and came back with a bunch of junk. Unh uh, sorry, your ass is going back to the store to get the real food we need. And yes I will ridicule you because you deserve to be. Thirty years old and you can't scan the cupboards to see what we need? Fucking no. He leaves his dirty dishes by the sink for me to clean or whiskers in the sink? I'm not your fucking maid, this is unacceptable, clean them now before you go to work. You thought I was going to do all the night wakings and take care of the kid by myself while you "baby sit" some times? No fucking way, I will divorce your ass over this. You're going to tell me you'll do some house project so we don't have to waste money on hiring it out but then not do it? Yeah I will inform you how childish and irresponsible that type of behavior. I'm not going to play nice about bullshit like that. Point blank, if you want to be with me, you will treat me the way I want.

We've been married over ten years, together for 15, and I've basically turned him into the husband and father I wanted for myself and my children. Don't take crap, ladies. You're better than that.[/quote]

Yes, whenever someone pipes up with this - "I wouldn't put up with that" - it's really because you have a husband who is open to your influence and you haven't really had to.  Your examples don't even scratch the surface.  I see this with a lot of women I know.  The ones who think they have "trained" their husbands had a husband who hasn't been that difficult to work with.  And no, I don't really believe you would have divorced his ass over it.  [/quote]

This! It's easy to say you would never put up with something and get a divorce. The reality is that the awfulness of divorce (and it ain't great) versus the awfulness of your marriage is sometimes influenced by your perspective and experience. It's easy to talk in the abstract.[/quote]

Have you ever tried having a "Come to Jesus Talk" with your husband? You need to put it to him in direct terms: either you change for the better or I will leave. But I will not put up with this. I'm not your mother, I'm not your maid, I'm not the hired nanny and it is completely unacceptable for you to treat me as any of these things. Try turning it around on him. Would he be ok with you completely abdicating adult roles around the house? What if you stopped paying attention to the budget? How would he like that? [/quote]

+ 1

If a super frank conversation like this doesn't work, why would you WANT to be married to such a man who basically expects you to mother him and clean up after him? You can do better! There are a lot of men out there who act like responsible, grown adults who take care of their households and families because THAT'S WHAT ADULTS DO.[/quote]

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