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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So OP, leave her alone and let her deal with her own mess. She is not part of your (or your family's) "family goals" anymore. It sounds like she is choosing her boyfriend's family instead, and there is nothing you can do about it. She's found a rich white boyfriend and is apparently trying to make it work and cut everyone else off. Her choice, not yours. Don't keep forgiving her behavior, just walk away and move on. If she wants you in her life, she will contact you.

Go pursue your own career, your own family, your own social life that has nothing to do with your sister. [/quote]

I am finally realizing that I should cut her off the way she has cut me off and doing so won't mean I am not a bad person. I have hesitated to completely cut off contact and try to reach out to her only because as her family it feels wrong to abandon my little sister when we are all alone in a foreign land. I was able to get her to see me three times so far, and each time she has hurled a myriad of insults on me accusing me of being the cause of every ill wind that has come her way. I am sick of being made to feel like a monster for not immediately jumping for joy at the news of her new relationship; for cautioning her to be more ambitious; for reminding her to not worry so much about superficial things such as minor pimples. I am NOT a monster. I was trying to do the right thing and as her older sister try to gently nudge her in a more productive direction.

I think I will walk away now and leave her be with her mess of a life.[/quote]

OP, honest question. What do you have in your life that gives you joy? What do you hunger for (besides the ability to boss around your sister). Do you have friends or a partner? I'm not entirely convinced that you are also the OP who is married to a white guy and criticizing your sister for dating a white guy under the guise of disappointing your parents' expectations. You sound very lonely.[/quote]

Agreed. OP you need to find some hobbies and interests that occupy your mind. Meddling with your sister and trying to foster a relationship with her that she clearly does not with you, is unhealthy (for the both of you).

You do sound lonely and very bored, if not a tad deeply jealous. [/quote]

I'm curious about what the appropriate reaction to what my sister has put me through is supposed to me?

Jealous of what? I do marvel at her tremendous good luck in landing herself a rich American husband. From what I know that is a struggle even for my American friends. But outside of that, no. [/quote]

I don't know why I keep taking your bait but [b]what exactly has your sister done to you other than want a life where she sets her own goals[/b], defines her own happiness and establishes boundaries for her own mental health? She doesn't want the life you and your parents want her to have. She isn't committing a crime - even with a messy visa situation. Nor is she actively interfering in your choices. Your only pain comes from not accepting her choice and thereby pushing her out of your life.[/quote]

OP's sister has completely cut off OP from her life. those were two sisters who lived for some number of years together and apart from the rest of the family.

now that's her prerogative but let's not pretend OP's is in pain for no reason whatsoever.[/quote]

Read OP's other threads. Her sister cutting her off is solely a consequence of OP's abuse, criticism and attempts to control her younger sister's life.[/quote]

no, i read all the other threads. OP's sins were minor and definitively not worthy of cutting her off. she is cutting her off because she can - her life is centered around her boyfriend and other friends. she likely was never as attached to OP as OP was to her and now that she doesn't need her it's easy to cut her off for what are minor transgressions.

i say this as a younger sister. [/quote]

Op comes at her sister with weird demands.  What grown person has their car insurance and cell phone tied up with their grown sibling's car insurance and cell phone? Since Op is the one complaining about this set up ending I am going to guess that Op was seeing some sort of benefit to this situation that the sister wasn't.  It was an odd entanglement and the sister simply put an end to it.

Don't get me wrong, if Op and her sister had actually agreed to this together that would be one thing.  But it sounds like something that the parents started when the sisters were younger (college age maybe?) and the Op wanted to see it continued into independent adulthood.  Sister didn't want that and that should be good enough,

It's this sort of thing that gives me the impression that Op wants to call the shots and is not happy when her sister doesn't jump.  Op's sister is sick of the manipulation and being TOLD rather then asked.  I can't blame her for distancing herself.  [/quote]

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