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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Telling someone "give yourself" an orgasm as the long-term solution to a sexless marriage is akin to telling someone to talk into a mirror when they want to have a conversation with their spouse.

It's not about the orgasm or the words. [b] It's the connection.
[/b]
[/quote]

Then find other ways to connect.  Which are good for BOTH people. [/quote]

How would I connect with someone that is not willing to connect with me?  That is kind of the whole point, it is really hard to connect with someone on THEIR terms only.  That doesn't lead to connection, that leads to just doing stuff for the other person.   [/quote]

This is your false interpretation. There are lot's of ways to connect, communication being number 1.

By your own logic then if she decides to give in and have sex when she doesn't want to, that would lead to just doing stuff for you.[/quote]

This discussion will never go anywhere, they always end up in the same place.  But to the 2 previous posters.  When I am talking about connection, it is about feeling valued and respected.  One person alluded to low self esteem and sex but I think the intent was missed.  It is not that I need sex to feel valued, but it is that I need my partner to hear what I am saying and to value me enough to want to try to do something to meet somewhere that would work for both people.  And to the point of connection, there are many ways to connect but it is hard to find them when someone just dismisses what you say is important to you.  And finally, do I want to have sex if she does not, no way.  But the main difference is that sex was a part of our connection and then it was stopped and it hurts like hell and she won't do anything to work on a compromise that will work for both people to be relatively, if not completely, happy.  And yes, that would be doing something just for me, but isn't that the point of a relationship?  I do a ton of stuff just for her because I know they are important to her.  All I ask is a little bit of an effort for something that is important for me.

But alas, where it always ends up is just deal with no sex or get a divorce.  Those are pretty much the only 2 options ever presented.   That is kind of the point around the selfishness, not one person has said, or ever does say anything about steps a no sex partner could make to meet in the middle.  Honestly for the person wanting sex even the smallest level of effort would mean the world, but it never happens.  [/quote]

Well one forcing the other to do something they don't want is also selfish.  Yes if the problems are too many, divorce and then date others. Maybe you'll end up with someone more compatible, of course maybe not.[/quote]
You want to talk about selfish. Selfish is not having sex with your spouse. If you are married there is an understanding that the other person will not have sex outside the marriage. Now if you say I do not want to/ will not have sex with you, you are telling the other person they can no longer have sex. They do not get a choice in it. It is dictate from on high and very selfish. I know the posters defending the no sex partner would never stand for someone doing the same to them.[/quote]

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