Reply to Men: Would you date a woman who did not have a "real job"?

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Reply to "Men: Would you date a woman who did not have a "real job"?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it's upsetting for women who have worked so hard academically and sacrificed for their careers to learn that most men would be just as happy if you had been a yoga instructor or an ES teacher.

But it's true.

Most men want smart (not genius smart, just up on current events smart) pretty, sweet, affectionate, care-takers for wives. The details are not important.

A man who would want a big-law partner for a wife is very rare.

The PP who said that UMC men end up with these women b/c the women pursue these men was spot on.

FWIW, I am UMC, went to an Ivy and married an Ivy grad (both undergrad and law school) and I can tell you he would not give two hoots if I became a dog-walker tomorrow. He simply wants me to be happy, b/c when I'm happy his life is wonderful. That's out men.

And no it's not sad. It's sweet and supportive. Most women would freak out if their high-earning husbands stepped off that track.[/quote]
You are a living example of what you're trying to disprove, and it's sort of funny how you don't see it.

OK, your husband may not mind if you became a dogwalker tomorrow.  But: you are UMC.  You went to an Ivy. As did your husband.  This shared experience ensured that you and your husband have intellectual and educational parity, and that your family probably had similar expectations toward your education.  You two speak and think on the same intellectual plane. Ergo, you two are a living example of assortative mating.  The fact that you may not have a job currently or in future is irrelevant. You and your husband are of the same class.  Your husband and an LC waitress would not have been. [/quote]

This is your view of why their marriage works, and its a totally legitimate view, but also one much more common for women to hold than men. Her husband probably thinks it works because she is nice and affectionate and he feels respected. You may think he [i]should[/i] care about their shared backgrounds, but he likely doesn't.

When OP said "would you date a woman who did not have a real job?," I doubt OP was asking "as a statistical matter, to men tend to end up with women from different backgrounds to them?" OP was asking "do many men give a crap what their significant others do for a living in the abstract? and the answer is "No, most of us don't."[/quote]

The thing is that you are trying to distill this to a single question, and it's a lot more nuanced than that. Jobs are an outgrowth of education, which is an outgrowth of background and family expectations. This thread shows that people conflate background with ambition, and it is my experience that men may not care about the level of ambition (and in fact, may prefer a lower level of ambition), but they do care about shared background and education in the mother of their children.  Yes, I'm a woman, but I also have a husband, who is very open that my education and intellect were a key reason why he married me - because he wanted his children raised by someone with these qualities. Background sets expectations of how things ought to be done, and shared expectations of important things are a huge success factor for marriages.  And while we'll never know why the PP's husband thinks their marriage works, I'm sure he wouldn't swap her for someone who is just as nice an affectionate but didn't go to college at all. [/quote]

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