Reply to S/O: Ladies - Would you have sex more often

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well I am the PP who has talked about how I do put effort into my relationship. So I do agree that is an essential element.

But I think the type of person that would seek out an affair is simply a thrill seeker and a jackass. As for things generally being better in the sex department in the beginning, I don't know. I think that most guys here probably really don't understand their wives. And that is likely partly on the wives. You seem to think that you have remained entirely static and your wife has changed. But that is probably part of the problem, you haven't evolved with her, you don't understand who she is today. You are mourning the woman you married but you were stupid to think that someone would remain the same forever, that isn't how people work. You likely are far more different than you realize. Are you the guy she dated? Taking her out on dates and bringing her flowers? Making sure to be on your game for holidays? Laughing and flirting around the house?

I see very few men on here taking responsibility for THEIR part in the equation, which is why you get such pushback from the women here. There is no quick fix if you aren't having sex. It means everything that made you two love each other, all those ties that bind you together are fraying. It is a symptom not a cause. Of course if we broke up and I started dating someone new I would be more free and energetic in that relationship, it would be meaningless. No baggage, no emotions, no complications. [/quote]
Not trying to be dense. Help me out though, I'm confused by your advice:
a) wife has evolved (this is good?) but I have not kept up with her (this is bad?)
b) I too have changed (this is bad?) because I am not the flower-bringing/laughing/flirting guy she dated

So are you saying I need to evolve (into what?), or I need to revert back (flowers/dates/etc)?
Please be specific. I'm a man and lack powers of intuition.[/quote]

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