Reply to S/O: Ladies - Would you have sex more often

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

[quote]The point has little to do with having an affair and everything to do with how women have plenty of energy for sex when a relationship is new.  The hormones and brain chemicals do all the work for you.  It's finding a way to tap into that passion for the guy you've been with for years that's what is needed when the chemicals have faded.  But that has to come from within.  He'll be the same guy either way.  You can blame external factors like your schedule and/or blame him for not doing x, y or z.  Or you can take responsibility for your part of the equation.  [/quote]

Well I am the PP who has talked about how I do put effort into my relationship. So I do agree that is an essential element.

But I think the type of person that would seek out an affair is simply a thrill seeker and a jackass. As for things generally being better in the sex department in the beginning, I don't know. I think that most guys here probably really don't understand their wives. And that is likely partly on the wives. You seem to think that you have remained entirely static and your wife has changed. But that is probably part of the problem, you haven't evolved with her, you don't understand who she is today. You are mourning the woman you married but you were stupid to think that someone would remain the same forever, that isn't how people work. You likely are far more different than you realize. Are you the guy she dated? Taking her out on dates and bringing her flowers? Making sure to be on your game for holidays? Laughing and flirting around the house?

I see very few men on here taking responsibility for THEIR part in the equation, which is why you get such pushback from the women here. There is no quick fix if you aren't having sex. It means everything that made you two love each other, all those ties that bind you together are fraying. It is a symptom not a cause. Of course if we broke up and I started dating someone new I would be more free and energetic in that relationship, it would be meaningless. No baggage, no emotions, no complications. [/quote]

You have entirely missed the point.[/quote]

No. You just don't want to hear the other side. [/quote]

I've memorized the other side of the argument.  Variations of this thread are a staple here on DCUM and your argument is similarly routine.  You, on the other hand gave zero consideration  to point I raised.  For the record, I'm not saying both parties don't have a role to play in fixing things.  My take on it, however, is that instead of focusing on what the other person is doing wrong or using external factors such as packed schedules and kids as excuses, we focus on how we can change ourselves to make things better.  And this doesn't mean the men take on more chores and buy flowers and candy while the women take one for the team one more time per week.  It means looking within to understand why what once was so easy now takes so much effort.  [/quote]

I'd give similar advice to your wife but she's not here. So the reason the phenomenon you're describing happens here is because you are the one asking why things are the way you are. You just want a bunch of people to say that your wife sucks and this is all her fault.

You reject the advice and feedback you have gotten from a multitude of people here because you want to wallow. If you want to wallow wallow but don't get pissy when people try to help you out. [/quote]

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