Reply to S/O: Ladies - Would you have sex more often

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

[quote]The point has little to do with having an affair and everything to do with how women have plenty of energy for sex when a relationship is new.  The hormones and brain chemicals do all the work for you.  It's finding a way to tap into that passion for the guy you've been with for years that's what is needed when the chemicals have faded.  But that has to come from within.  He'll be the same guy either way.  You can blame external factors like your schedule and/or blame him for not doing x, y or z.  Or you can take responsibility for your part of the equation.  [/quote]

Well I am the PP who has talked about how I do put effort into my relationship. So I do agree that is an essential element.

But I think the type of person that would seek out an affair is simply a thrill seeker and a jackass. As for things generally being better in the sex department in the beginning, I don't know. I think that most guys here probably really don't understand their wives. And that is likely partly on the wives. You seem to think that you have remained entirely static and your wife has changed. But that is probably part of the problem, you haven't evolved with her, you don't understand who she is today. You are mourning the woman you married but you were stupid to think that someone would remain the same forever, that isn't how people work. You likely are far more different than you realize. Are you the guy she dated? Taking her out on dates and bringing her flowers? Making sure to be on your game for holidays? Laughing and flirting around the house?

I see very few men on here taking responsibility for THEIR part in the equation, which is why you get such pushback from the women here. There is no quick fix if you aren't having sex. It means everything that made you two love each other, all those ties that bind you together are fraying. It is a symptom not a cause. Of course if we broke up and I started dating someone new I would be more free and energetic in that relationship, it would be meaningless. No baggage, no emotions, no complications. [/quote]

You have entirely missed the point.[/quote]

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