Reply to High expectation and no stress-- which high school in mcps is best ?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm the same poster from a few pages back who said my "W" school sophomore was ok with the stress level.

I'm responding now to the point about intense academics v. everything else that kids need/want to do.  I agree with the point that it's crazy and counterproductive to expect kids to do absolutely everything to the highest level.  You need to set your priorities, in consultation with your kid.  My kid knows I care most about his school work.  He does other stuff, but when it's crunch time he knows that he is going to half ass his way through non school work commitments and he has my blessing to do that.  He even has my blessing to half ass his way through school assignments in classes where he can afford to get a less than great grade at that moment.

I don't think high school is too early to figure out how to prioritize your obligations.  And part of our job as parents is to help our kids figure out how to make those calculations.[/quote]

So if your child grew up playing soccer and baseball and wanted to play on the high school teams, what would you say? Would you say he still has to take high caliber classes first because academics comes first? You can't really half ass sports or theater. Rehearsals and practices are mandatory or you are off the team/production.  So do you tell your child that they can't do the activities to take the highest classes you want him to take? What if he said he only wanted to take 1 AP course instead of 3 so he can play the sports and not feel overwhelmed. Would you let him? My guess is no. So instead the poor kid has to take the classes YOU want him to take to play the sports HE wants to play. And that equates to stress, sleep deprivation, and an internal hatred. 
[/quote]

My kid neither wanted to, nor was talented enough, to play high school sports.  So we didn't have to have that conversation.  But we've had other conversations about things he's wanted to do.  [b]Fortunately for me, he WANTS to take the AP classes[/b], largely enjoys them, and hasn't hit irreconcilable conflicts between school work and other interests (yet).  We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.  Again, fortunately for me and my kid, we have a relationship in which he knows that he can express his needs and desires and that his parents will listen to him.  We are a team -- I don't dangle the stuff he wants in life over his head and insist that he do my bidding.

Meanwhile, though, you've done a pretty thorough job of projecting your own issues and suppositions on to me.  [/quote]

Yes, fortunately for you.  And yes, we get your kid can't play sports and has no other interests besides AP classes. I wonder why?  Fortunately for you though.  Whew!!! [/quote]

Do you see what you're doing here?  You're assuming that your conflicts are my conflicts, that the right answers for you and your kid are the right answers for me and my kid, and that if I'm doing something different I must be wrong.  I was careful to say that my situation is not everyone's, and I was trying, in my first quoted post above, to say something that I hoped everyone could agree on -- which is that there should be a process of setting priorities so that kids aren't in the position of feeling like they have to do everything at the most intense level.

My whole point was that in my family, the priority is academics, but that we don't expect my kid to do other stuff as intensely.  (That doesn't mean, by the way, that he has "no other interests besides AP classes," but you don't really care about the reality of my situation so whatever.)  I'm guessing, from your post, that you may have a situation where your kid's desire to do sports at a high level conflicts with his/her ability to do really intense academics as well.  I get that, and I agree that would be a difficult position to be in.  I'm back to the principle I stated above -- when those conflicts arise, we as parents should be helping our kids set priorities among conflicting goals so that there isn't "stress, sleep deprivation, and internal hatred."  My personal view is that parents should have significant input, but that the kid's desires need to be heard and respected.

And even if I were to run with your incorrect assumption that my kid has no interests outside AP classes, he and I would still be in the position of setting priorities, because there is no way in hell a high school junior can fill his schedule with all APs and expect to survive the experience.  So we discuss which ones he's really interested in, which ones might be a little less work to pair with tougher ones, and what else will be in his schedule so that he has some balance.  I would hope that parents of kids who are into theater, or sports, will tell them in a similar fashion that maybe they should only play one varsity sport a year, or one major theater production per semester, or some other reasonable limit that they work out together.

No one has a gun to your head (or your kid's) saying that you "must" do all this stuff.  We all have to make choices, and live with the consequences.  Your choices aren't my choices, and that doesn't make me right and you wrong (or vice versa, thank you).[/quote]

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