Reply to What do I need to know about marrying a man with an ex and shared custody of kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The biggest barrier to cross is different parenting styles by different parents for different children.  The best thing to do I found out was to let him be the parent he wants to be with his children, while i did the same for mine.  My child has a father.  His children by a previous marriage have a mother.

This may cause some conflict between the children, but doing anything else will cause conflict within and between both sets of parents.  Children deal with fairness issues better than adults...much better, we discovered.

[/quote]

That only works if DH has kids from previous marriage and so does DW but they don't have any together. If the DW and DH have kids together and THOSE kids get a different set of rules and expectations than the existing kids, that's begging for trouble. I tell my husband whenever he and I are talking about something to do with my stepson: "You know this is only my opinion and I support whatever you choose. But also know that everything I think should go for Son would be exactly what I would think should go for Daughters." I was fully on board with buying my stepson a car because that's what I'd do for my kids. I also expect him to have a part time job when he goes to college next year- because mine will as well. Things like that. What's good for the goose has to be good for the gander. [/quote]

It can be really tough to work these things out in practice.  It's easy to say "let the parents parent" or "present a united front" or "put the kids first" but in real life, resolving these issues takes a huge amount of time and energy.  Even if everyone gets along, even if everyone is a great parent, and even if everyone puts the kids first.  And when if his ex re-marries, and has more kids or step-kids and they have their own mom as well, that's an awful lot of adults, budgets, schedules, and finances to reconcile.

Really think, OP, if you have the time and emotional energy for this stuff.  It's a big commitment to link your household to another household so intimately.[/quote]

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