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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

The study goes on though. Men that reported they were unhappy and had affairs and divorce later "admit" or "learn" that they are still unhappy, it has nothing to do with the woman they are with, they are just unhappy people. 95% of the time the AP makes them more unhappy. Of the 5% who stay with their AP, marry and divorce at the rate of 60%. Of the 2% that stay married to the an AP, 50% of them say they are unhappy but too tired and worn out to divorce. So 1% of the population, leave a marriage and report they are happier.

Yes, unhappy people who blame others for their problems are more likely to cheat. But you as a spouse can't do anything about an unhappy partner who won't get help.[/quote]

I don't know what a spouse can or can't do. That isn't the question here. Nor is the future divorce rate of people who end up with their APs (which, to be honest, I think rivals your typical divorce rate of 2nd or 3rd marriages). But whether people in so-called "happy marriages" are really happy. I don't think so. Others believe they are. I think the study is flawed because of the "squishiness" (that's the technical term  :-) ) of the phrase "pretty happy."

I know that happiness is not something somebody else can give you. You have to find your own happiness, and deal with your own unhappiness. Maybe your spouse can help you. Influence you, even. But, maybe not.

Although having an affair doesn't help a marriage, it may have been the only happy thing I had at the time, but it did come at a cost.

[/quote]

An alcoholic may say the same thing. The best times were when they were drunk. It's pathetic, but soothing your ills with drugs, alcohol or an ego stroke/affair is just a temporary pain relief that usually leaves you much more unhappy when you have to wake up with yourself in the morning.

I don't really think you see that it. It has nothing to do with your marriage, it is inside you and until you fix that you will just continue to sooth your ills at the expense of others. [/quote]

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