Reply to DH friendships with women - what's your comfort level

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. 
How do i respond if he says he thinks this is all totally normal and kosher? That I'm just over reacting?  I highly doubt he'll just suddenly agree and say "gee, i didn't think about it like that, i'm sorry I was being disrespectful."

One angle I have thought of is encouraging him to ask his married/parent friends if they do anything comparable to this. "Do you think Bill goes and meets 23 year old single women on saturday night without nancy?" "How do you think Dave and Susie handle socializing with new single friends?"

Any other suggestions?[/quote]

OP, let's put aside the shenanigans with these young bookstore women.

To me, spending $90.00 dollars out drinking at a bar (without you his wife along for the fun) in itself, by itself, is completely unconscionable.  This wasn't some special event like his old buddies he hasn't seen in years come to town etc.  This is just him deciding to waste $90.00 in a bar for whatever reason.

Completely unacceptable.  Unless $90.00 is meaningless to you.  It's not meaningless to me and not to most people unless they have a pretty high income.

And like the man said, if he is out with "Jen" spending $90.00 then he is obviously trying to get her drunk enough so that she would at least be susceptible to letting down her boundaries and escalating it to the overtly sexual.   Unfortunately there is no other explanation, period.    The only reason he even told you about Jen is because he has you brainwashed to think it's all innocuous.

The one positive spin on this is your husband probably has no game at all.  So from the girls' perspective he is just some creepy loser and they can get unlimited free drinks from him.   If he had any game at all he wouldn't need to spend $90.00 getting "Jen" drunk."  Of course the line could be crossed at any time so it has to stop even if nothing physical has happened yet.

Probably one of the reasons you have such difficulty accepting that your husband is actively cheating on you and at least has an inappropriate emotional relationship with one or more of these women, is that he IS kind of a dork, so you can't actually imagine him successfully getting into Jen's pants.

Even dorks get lucky once in a while.[/quote]

I'm sorry OP but this situation is not okay and you KNOW this. Have you mentioned it to any friends or family members? If not why not? Are you embarrassed? Do any of your friends' husbands go out with other women without their wives present? No? Why? Because it is not appropriate. He is disrespecting you. He is probably cheating or trying to cheat.
My ex husband did this.  I remember the way his colleagues looked at me - with pity and sometimes surprise. Surprise because I was good-looking and pity .. Well because. His bar bills were outrageous. It was humiliating. We are divorced now. If your husband shuts you down on this you will be facing many years of marriage to a guy living the life of a single man. I would have a major talk with him now. It's time to lay down the hammer girlfriend.[/quote]

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