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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Angela here. I know what you mean pp. How have you been doing? I saw where you said you have an AMA post on here somewhere, but I don't know what AMA is, and I don't know where to find it. Lol. you don't have family nearby you either? I only have my husband here. He is in the USAF. His mother will be coming here by the end of the month to help some.I have been taking notes on everything! I even just wrote down about the cream. For the most part, blood samples, and blood pressure has been taken from my left arm anyway. once or twice they almost did the right arm. They actually told me the same thing. Right now, I have a lot of swelling in my arm, so it is not hard to realize ( do not use that arm!) There is a little concern about the swelling still being present. Not as much now, because it has gone down tremendously. I was so glad to hear from you again. Also, I was astonished my thread was kept up. Are you scared? I am. I think I have become more afraid over the past 24 hours than before. I am home now, and nothing feels the same.[/quote]

Hi Angela,

Stage 4 AMA poster here. I apologize! I should have explained what I meant and where you could find the thread if you wanted to read it. As a PP noted, AMA means 'ask me anything' and I started a thread in Off Topic awhile back to ask/answer questions about cancer, something that is really hard to talk about until you find yourself facing it. It was my first thread ever on DCUM and I was so afraid of what people might say! But, it has turned into an incredibly supportive thread, for me, and for other people who shared their experiences. Here's the link if you feel like reading...

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/480229.page

As for how I'm doing, well, some days it's uphill. Sharply uphill. I've had a lot of those uphill days lately. I've also had a lot of complications and setbacks. The important thing to remember is that every experience is different, even though we're on the same...journey...for lack of a better word. I guess what I'm trying to say is it can sometimes be extra scary reading about other peoples' experiences, just like it's scary to read Dr. Google. We all hit the wall some time. It might be during diagnosis, it might be during treatment. But just because I had complications doesn't mean you will and it's important to ask for/receive support for the place you're at and not worry too much (hard to do, I know) about what is coming.

The other thing I learned, early on, is that yes, you are right, nothing is the same. But, you can still have a good life even while undergoing difficult things. For me, I love my work. My amazing boss has made it possible for me to work at home (I had started a new job just before learning exactly how advanced my cancer was.) and my friends and neighbors have been amazing in helping me work out the details of daily living. Yes, I have no living family, so, like you, I don't have traditional supports in place. That said, I'm surprised, humbled, and grateful that so many in my community have offered so generously. Identifying your network and community will likely be very important to you. You'll need help. I'm not suggesting you will be helpless. You won't be. But you will have days where you're very tired and you need to eat and it is just too exhausting to cook. That's when you need help.

Or, if you're like me, you'll have a puppy who needs a much longer walk than you can do at the moment.

You asked if I'm scared. Yes, I'm absolutely scared, at a very fundamental level. My birthday was last week and I melted down. I was so annoyed with myself because I thought I should have seen it coming and talked myself out of the sad and scared. Of course, that's silly, but I get easily annoyed with myself. Plus, one of the things I forgot is that I'm not scared every day. You will not be scared every day.

So, this is what I learned last week. Fear, and grief, come in waves. I think I know when they're going to come, but I don't always. I will wake up slammed by them occasionally. My job is to hang on in every way possible. Sometimes, this means falling apart and taking to my couch with my pets and the TV. Sometimes, it means asking for help. Sometimes, it means putting on my shoes and taking a walk.

Know this. There are some pretty amazing people here, reading your thread, thinking about you, and ready to talk (write? I dunno. What is it we do here?) to you anytime. We'll answer questions, listen, and understand as best we can.

You are not alone.

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