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[quote=Anonymous]you need family therapy.  I don't mean this facetiously, but the dynamics in your family are not good.  I don't understand the whole cut off your son advice, if it was that simple you would have done it long ago.  I don't mean this as an insult, you don't know how to set boundaries.  Im sure you raised the two sons relatively the same, #1 had the motivation to go to college and #2 did not.  The problem lies with #2 and he can work that out.  I am a highly successful person, but it took years of therapy for me to understand what I was doing wrong and how to learn to feel and navigate in the world.

As a parent the last thing I would want is to leave this earth with my two children bearing resentment towards each other.  The scenario you describe can only lead to resentment of #1, and #2 has to be defensive to maintain any self worth.

Please consider getting some help because your situation is very complicated.  A good therapist won't tell you what to do, they will lead you to examine why you do what you do.  It also takes a long time to build up trust in the relationship.  If I were you, I would go with my spouse first and then bring the sons in.  The therapist can help you bring your sons to the table.[/quote]

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