Reply to IL's in my house during my hospital stay

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[quote=Anonymous]My MIL is similar to yours, OP.  Genuinely trying to be helpful, can't ever sit still, but oblivious to our different preferences.  Regarding the bedroom issue, at their house the MBR is basically an extension of the family room--it opens onto it, and they keep the door open all day long (often even at night) and the room is always spotless.  I am a VERY private person, our MBR is on a different floor of the house, and I consider it my "retreat".  My DH had to tell her early on not to go in there, and I think she was a little hurt at first but hasn't done it again.  Ditto my laundry (although I let her do DHs and the kids if she wants).

Since your MIL sounds a lot like mine, the main thing I want to add to what the other posters are saying is -- even though she is coming to help care for your toddler, you should be prepared for her not to do a great job at that.  My MIL is great with the kids when she does actually spend time with them, but it seems like she would rather be cleaning/organizing/etc.  She came up for 10 days after a move, and wouldn't take the kids off our hands (so WE could unpack) unless we explicitly asked her to.  Even then, she'd often drift toward the laundry or the kitchen and I'd have to drop what I was doing to keep the kids out of our construction zones.  It was very frustrating.

My suggestion would be to plan outings or errands she can do with your toddler, at least one each day after you are home.  Groceries, target, etc.  Get them *out of the house*, so you can rest/relax.  Then plan another hour or so later in the day where you take the toddler for some planned one on one time (much needed after the new baby arrives) and she can clean/do laundry/etc.  Grandpa and DH can snuggle the new baby then.

Accept that you can't change her, set your firm limits (don't go in the bedroom, don't throw away food, don't mess with the baby's room), and guide the rest of her energies to everyones benefit.  And maybe try to do something nice for her toward the end of the trip--I got my MIL hooked on manicures so I'd take her for a spa hour--to emphasize your gratitude. Good luck![/quote]

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