Reply to IL's in my house during my hospital stay

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wouldn't consider that type of stuff helpful, either! Controlling and nosy.[/quote]

Does it have to be either/ or?

Why does it have to be controlling or nosy? Can't it just be misguided? I trust those on this board that jump to the "controlling, no boundaries, MIL MUST have NPD" knee jerk response aren't as drama free as they would like to assume about themselves too.

It helps to assume, until given plenty of evidence otherwise, that your DH's family has best intentions. Now if those intentions make you uncomfy, a little chat could help but it doesn't need to be some giant dramatic production. Just let them know you sort of have grown up a different way and its not something you really care for but be thankful that they thought of you in that way to help.[/quote]

I'm sorry but going through another grown up's closets/medicine cabinets, stripping their bed and remaking it is....weird.  You don't go into another person's house and go through their things like that UNLESS you have some serious boundary issues.  To ASSume that people don't care if you go through their things while they are hospitalized is truly bizarre.  No - that is not o.k.  That is an invasion of privacy.  That is an invasion of trust.  And it is completely ridiculous and out of line to do that to a person who is hospitalized and already has enough to worry about.

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Let's actually look logically at motives/intentions.

If you clean something that is already clean, you are essentially saying, "This isn't clean to MY standard, and MY standard is right. I am taking charge of this situation. Same deal with reorganizing something in someone else's home. It is saying, "You're doing this wrong, I'M here to do it my way, which is RIGHT."

What does reorganizing a closet or a medicine cabinet have to do with new baby coming home? NOTHING!

If you go through someone's cleaned/organized fridge and freezer, and throw out food because YOU "don't know what it is," you are saying, "I know better than you. This is now my territory, because you don't know what you're doing." Obviously, if milk has gone bad or leftovers have mold on them, that is different. But a clean, organized fridge/freezer doesn't need anyone to clean or organize it!

Going into someone's bedroom unless there is a clear reason to do so is just an unnecessary thing to do. There are private and public spaces in homes. Even if you are family visiting, or visiting to help, you need to stay in the public spaces unless you are asked to help or are given permission to help in the private spaces. If MIL had taken a quick glance in the bedroom to make sure it was orderly for DIL's return from hospital, that is one thing...but the second she saw a clean, MADE BED, she should have left the room. Period.

FIL is bored and "needs a project"? Nope. It's called bring a book, or *ASK* if there is a project you can help with around the house. It's not his  house to "fix" or "improve." Do we even know the guy is actually handy? No. He could very well be messing things up. People need to bring books, iPads, their own small projects to occupy themselves in someone else's home when they are there to help, and stick with what actually needs to be done.[/quote]

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