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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Either accept their help in the form it comes in or decline it. You can't custom tailor people to your desires. I'm sure these are coping mechanisms for her as well as expressions of love. If there are one or two things that are really important, like the food, put a note on it saying, "Mom's apple pie- do not toss." Other than that, you are setting yourself up for a misunderstanding and frustration.[/quote]

And please send them over to my house.  You would not believe some of the nasty, selfish things that came out of my MILs house when I gave birth.  She could not be in the birthing room, with her camera pointed at my privates, so she literally had a child's hissy fit.  THAT spoke volumes.  Quite frankly, it was all I needed to know.  She certainly was not going to lift a finger cleaning or preparing anything, as she doesn't even do so in her own house.  Keep things in perspective and try to appreciate the help, OP.  Or hire someone to come in and help.  Your choice.

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Stop. Stop inserting your life, your relationships, your stories into this. It's not about you. It's about OP. She has stated time and again that she is appreciative and grateful. That doesn't mean she has to like every single thing her ILs do or say. [/quote]

There is more than one type of IL problem. PP, you've got a special toxic MIL, and I'm sorry.  OP has more moderate issues--but they are still legitimate problems.  You wish you had those problems, I get it, but they are still problems.[/quote]

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