Reply to Stay with my underemployed DH for the kids?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Stay with my underemployed DH for the kids?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The problem I have is when you say "why is it such a bad sacrifice for a woman who wants children to not work?" Why should it be a sacrifice at all, and why should it be a sacrifice for women only? Yes, it is such a bad sacrifice! [/quote]

I didn't say not work. The sacrifice I refer to is the sacrifice of a highly intensive career.

Why is the woman the only one who has to make this sacrifice? [b]Because women don't typically want to be married to men who take on a traditionally feminine role[/b]. If you do, that's great. Problem solved for you.

Most top executives and surgeons have stay at home spouses if they have children.

And when they don't? Well, did you happen to read the Atlantic cover story about the Silicon Valley suicides? Kids don't do so hot when both of their parents are absent most of the time at work.

I'm sorry that life involves sacrifices, constraints, and forced choices. I don't delight in that reality.

A woman can always choose to have no children or only one child. [/quote]
Your argument is fantastically black and white, like a cheap IKEA rug, and just as threadbare.  [b]Children need someone in a flexible work path, therefore, one spouse should sacrifice their career, and it should be a woman, because if it's the husband, then the wife wouldn't want to have sex with him, and the husband will be mad, because no sex. [/b]  Delightfully stupid in its rigidity, childish even.  As if you've never heard of shared sacrifices, or women not thinking of their husbands in such neanderthal terms, or both spouses taking medium-load careers to spend time with children, or outsourced housework, or a multitude of other paths to fulfillment.  Yes, it must all be your way, because eyes and ears, and if someone actually is living a life that's not based on your rules, then "good for you, you're an exception".  LOL. [/quote]

I know you are being sarcastic, but this seems to be correct.

Despite the claims equality, men are still expected to be earners, and if they are not, women lose respect for them and starting thinking about divorce. This message has been consistent, loud and clear -- to the point where I honestly find it difficult to believe anyone who claims otherwise. On the other hand, SAHMs also get resentful towards men who makes lots of money and work long hours. These 2 topics alone constitute about %60 of the threads on DCUM.

It seems like most men should marry women who work "mommy-track" jobs. That way, the man can still be the "earner" and the fact that he does less around the house can be rationalized by the fact that the woman works a more flexible job. Both women who are super ambitious and women who have zero interested in work should be avoided.

Thank for this lesson. I'm not even joking at all. I have learned much from DCUM. Thank you![/quote]

I think you are taking two different kinds of women who post here and melding them into a single woman.  But they are separate.  [b]There are women who want big earners.  There are women who want a best friend.[/b]  Only a very small fraction think they should have both.  For the rest, some prefer one, some the other.[/quote]

I appreciate this point, and I think it's insightful.

I am the woman with the "fantastically black and white argument".

I definitely fall into the "prefer a best friend" camp. My husband has a good paying (not rich) and family-friendly job. When we were dating, he was able to spend a lot of time with me and we became very close. This is one of the main reasons I married him - men I had dated previously may have had higher paying jobs but were always working. I knew that wasn't going to work for me. It will work for some women, as you pointed out.

We don't live a super fancy lifestyle. And I do work, but we keep our main expenses low enough so that I know I can scale back work or quit my job if family demands (aging parents, for example) become heavy. Knowing that my husband could and would swing it by himself if he had to and that he would never expect me to take care of us financially (unless he himself became ill or there was some other tragedy) is a very good feeling.

If other women want to make other choices, go ahead. I'm not sharing my view for religious reasons or because I need my own choices validated. I'm simply just making observations and drawing conclusions based on them. If you think I'm wrong, do whatever you want. What the hell do I care.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics