Reply to Why do children of a first marriage get priority over the spousal relationship in a second marriage?

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Reply to "Why do children of a first marriage get priority over the spousal relationship in a second marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the error is in thinking it's a hierarchy. Spousal relationships are important. Relationships with children are important. My relationship with my husband is just as important to me as my relationship with my child, but when those two relationships are in competition for attention/money/time/etc., I prioritize the child because my husband is an adult who understands that the child has a greater reliance on me, while he is an adult who can largely do for himself.

In the situation you're referencing, I think that the OP's husband should certainly discuss these kinds of spending with his new wife, but the new wife does not get to decide what is and is not appropriate for the children in question. That's between their mother and father. Father should definitely consult his new wife and respect her opinions, but if there is a conflict between what ex-wife wants for her children and what new wife thinks is reasonable for those children, [b]ex-wife's opinion carries more weight.[/b]

Note: in functional, healthy coparenting relationships between divorced people, it doesn't come down to this very often. I'm divorced and remarried and I've never had a conflict with either my ex or my new husband about anything like this.[/quote]

Completely disagree. If this is what people think, no wonder second marriages have a high rate of divorce. I would never marry a man who put another woman's feelings over mine. [/quote]
Yup, I also completely disagree.  What if ex-wife wants $10K summer camp for the child, new wife is not supposed to have any say in the matter?

Ridiculous.[/quote]

Maybe, but that wasn't the scenario, which was [b]$300 f[/b]or a stepdaughter's dance and the second wife/stepmom quibbling over the fact her husband agreed to it, instead of taking the view that as stepmom she should welcome the chance to bond with her stepdaughter.

IMHO, new wife/unwilling stepmom would rather argue over the $$ for a dance than embrace her new role. Sometimes, when people (even/especially childless ones) enter into a relationship with a divorced man with kids, they really should ask themselves first: can I handle this?  OP from the other thread seemed unwilling to do a variety of things:
 1) look the money in proportion to the child's life cycle event;
 2) question her own motives in relation to her husband, her step-child or her DH's ex;
 3) or to[b] ask herself if such a small amount of money was worth arguing over and risking a negative outcome to her new step-parent relationship[/b].

OP from other thread just came across overreactive and massively immature under the circumstances.[/quote]

You do realize that $300 is not a small amount to many people right? [/quote]

Someone keeps saying that. Yet every other thread on this board is about someone living "a middle class life" at $200k. A one time expenditure of $300 is not going to leave a lasting dent in those people's lives, unless they are exceptionally bad at managing their money. Please let's not pretend that this is a board of low income people.[/quote]

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