Reply to Women: do you care how much your engagement ring costs?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP- let's put this ring issue aside. Do you feel like he loves you and makes an effort to make you happy otherwise?

I'm a PP. My DH also didn't want to spend $ on a ring which in is mind was a waste of money. For him a ring wasn't a big symbol of his love. It was just a metal thing with a shiny thing that I wore. I understood how he felt, but I explained how it was important to me. I went looking and found a $2300 Tacori setting I liked. Told him where it was and that a CZ was fine.

Could he have saved more and bought me a 'better' ring, sure. But that's just not where his values are. And luckily, I was okay with a less expensive ring. That is where my values are. So this disagreement you have could just be a sign your values are different.

But I suspect something else is going on here. I think you don't feel valued in your relationship in general. And this ring issue is just bringing that to light. DH always made me feel so valued and loved that the ring didn't have that much significance. But you are holding this ring to mean "but he doesn't love or value me very much". Step back from the ring and ask yourself, do you feel loved and valued in general by this guy?  [/quote]

Its interesting you bring this up. I feel two ways about this. One one hand, in our every day life, he is a dream. He is so careful and loving with me; makes me breakfast in bed; drives out to get me medicine in the middle of the night; walks 3 blocks to get me my lunch if i forget it in his car; takes care of me when I'm sick and gross; pays for my bills when Im too broke etc.

On the other, in the grand gestures of love that other guys are good at, he sucks. He didn't introduce me to his family or friends one full year into our dating. I only started to come around them after I cried and made a fuss about not being important enough in his life to have met them. He would refuse to be tagged in facebook pictures with me or be  facebook official with me the first year we were dating. 
Other guys are so vocal and visible about their love and commitment. Ours is very visible within the four walls of his apartment but not so much outside.[/quote]

I'm the PP. Oh Sweetie, I feel your pain, I really do.  But you have to realize just how lucky you are to have a guy who does so many little things to make sure you are loved and taken care of. Do you know how many of those external gesture guys treat their woman like crap? Would you trade  your internal gesture guy for an external gesture guy? My DH is similar to yours. He isn't big on posting stuff about us on FB (but does allow me to). He balked at paying for a ring. He hated the wedding (too many people looking at him at our 46 person wedding LOL) but did it because it made me happy.  If it were up to me, I'd be shouting about our love from the tops of mountains, but that's just not him.

But I'd take him and his small internal gestures of love any day. This is the guy who goes out at 9pm in the rain because pregnant me was having a Big Mac craving. He's the guy who'd been sick all week (and was still sick) and still did the laundry on the weekend because pregnant me was too tired. He kinda forgot our wedding anniversary a few weeks ago. And I have to admit it stung a little. But then I just remind myself that there are 1,000 other things he does every day that make me feel like the most loved woman in the world. I think of my friend who treats her like sh!t 364 day of the year, but on their anniversary makes a big pronouncement on FB on how much he loves her and takes her out to dinner. And I realize how lucky I am.

Please go back to your SO and tell him your sorry. Tell him that you are feeling insecure  and this ring thing is about  your insecurity. Tell him that there is a petty part of you that wants him to shout his love from the mountain tops. But your realized that's just not who he is and you are sorry.

PS--I say this with one caveat--do you feel like he is embarrassed to be with you? I dated one guy who would not hold my hand in public. Told me he just wasn't into public displays of affection. But in my gut I knew he was embarrassed by me (I didn't have a degree from the right university and at the time, was only a pubic school teacher). But he also didn't treat me great in other areas and would have never married me. [/quote]

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