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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am in a similar situation, OP.  Except I was a total jerk and had a strong emotional reaction first.  Now I want to tell this parent/family member the facts calmly but an hesitant to open the can of worms that I did when I was an asshole and screamed at her.

Not to hijack your thread, but does anyone have advice for me?  Can I now approach the subject calmly just to get on the record?  [/quote]

Keep your mouth shut.[/quote]

+1[/quote]

Wow - I disagree 100%!!!  If I thought my sister was doing something that would emotionally hurt my nephew I would explode at her - and then apologize but definitely restate my objections calmly later.   I love my nephew and my sister!!!  These are not some random strangers whose business I can butt out of - they are constants in my son's, DH's and my life.

I would definitely bring it up again, PP.   [/quote]

I'll be looking for your sister's post on the "Family Relationships" board.  Probably something about her sister yelling at her for deciding to formula feed her son.  And then, after they'd moved past it (so she thought!) her sister sent her a follow up email with links and "calm" explanation.  How thoughtful![/quote]

PP here and no.  My nephew is a very, very bright but sensitive and well behaved boy and only 23 months old.  He has been home with a loving nanny who reads to him about two hours a day which he loves - and older books for four and five year olds.  This is a smart kid.  He is also small for his age.  My brother and SIL decided to send him to a big, franchised daycare for 8 hours a day at least and fire his nanny "to toughen him up".  I am opposed to everything about this plan but mostly his motivation.  I am a school psychologist and consultant for the top DC private preschools and I know this is a mistake.

I was a jerk to lose it on my SIL when she told me.  Now I do want to talk to my SIL and brother about this calmly.  And we are close - my brother's family and mine - having kids the same age and shuttling between each others houses for holidays and often evening date-night care.

I feel I have to say something.    [/quote]

Please don't. You know this is pretty typical, don't you? Many, many kids go to daycare/preschool all day from an even earlier age. Except for a couple years when I worked part time, my two kids were in daycare/preschool all day from the time they were infants. They are now very well-adjusted, happy, social elementary age kids.[/quote]

PP here and I agree 100% - both of my kids have been in daycare since they were three months old.  Kids who start daycare as infants or before 18 months do great in daycare.  Studies have shown that 18 to 20 months is the worst time to start a daycare program however if the child has been cared for in his home with a nanny or SAHP.  My nephew is nearly two-years-old and it is a mistake to do it now.  Especially if done to "toughen him up".  [/quote]

Please provide specific citations for these studies. I have looked at and read many of the studies (even the crap ones) on daycare. I have never seen any study (legitimate or not) that purports to show this. [/quote]

It is not about daycare being good or bad - it is about optimal times in a child's development for introducing that care.  18 to 30 is the worst possible time and even daycare centers will tell you that.  Seriously, take two minutes and google it.

- a WOHM whose baby has been in daycare since he was five months old.  Like PP, I clearly am in favor of daycare starting before 18 months but not after.  And especially not starting between 18 and 30 months.  Sure the child will survive but why make him/her suffer and possibly develop lifelong abandonment and insecurity issues unless there is absolutely no other choice?

[/quote]

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