Reply to DH sobered up, I'm contemplating an EA, advice?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - I hear ya and I sympathize - I'm in a very similar situation and after the years of dealing with the drugs (prescription addiction) and alcohol - and all the shit and worry and stress that goes along with it - I'm just worn out. Physically and emotionally. Drained.

It's this feeling that you are worthless, and he's certainly taken you for granted even though you've stuck by him, and it's feeling alone, and just wanting SOMEONE to pay some attention to you, validate you, remind you that hey, you are a person too.

I've got the added bonus of dealing with his affairs as well as the addictions. The *years* of lying, of standing by him and trying to be supportive while he selfishly did whatever the hell he wanted - he's sober now (hooray, that's good) but the toll it has taken on the marriage getting him to this point. I'm afraid we're over and he just won't see it.

It feels like his alcohol addiction has now been transferred to addiction to AA meetings - he's always at a meeting it seems. Or meeting with his sponsor. Or with his sponsee. Came home from rehab and jumped right on the AA bandwagon to work on his problem without a thought of spending the time and energy to work on our relationship.

With the added bonus of always hanging over us is Relapse - a constant threat - it's happened before, and AA and Alanon people told me to expect it to happen again (cause that's what addicts do). Sorta like always holding your breath waiting for the next crisis.

We're in therapy - found someone who specializes in addiction (which is very helpful) but so far there hasn't been any progress - I don't trust him, I'm tired of being taken for granted, and I honestly can not see me living with a man who will be spending a good portion of the rest of his live in AA meetings.

Past issues were worked through for the sake of the kids - keep the marriage together for them, as they were toddlers. But now? I honestly think they wouldn't care. Oh, they'd care as in "that sucks, mom" but we're without the H 90% of the time now anyway, and have been for years. it really wouldn't be that much different. If anything they might see him MORE if we were divorced.

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May I ask who you are seeing in your couples work?  I am desperate.  My own husband has almost two years of sobriety and we have a toddler (do the math to figure out when DH hit bottom and ended up an a crack house)...but these two years of his focus on his sobriety have been the worst of my life and have left our marriage in shambles. I am not sure if we should keep trying but don't want to give up on our family or the person I loved. Any help/suggestions...[/quote]

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