Reply to S/O Elder care for parents who didn't provide child care

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She has also flaked other times we needed her. We don't ask her any more.

-OP[/quote]

She's not the first grandparent who didn't want to take care of grandkids. Welcome to the club. You need to let it go, or ask your parents to move closer to you to help out. Or move near your parents so that they can help out and you can be there as they age. I have a good friend who's in the process of moving back home to do just that. Or network with some other daycare/school parents to watch each other's kids on days off. That has worked really well for us.[/quote]

What part of I get that childcare is my responsibility are you not understanding?  But if you take the individualistic route and don't help out when you can, then don't try to be community-minded and make your responsibility to take care of yourself everyone else's concern. I do my duty for myself and you do yours for yourself.

-OP[/quote]

Then quit complaining that she's not helping out. The whole premise of your thread is that you think childcare is HER responsibility, that she needs to work for you or else you will not help her in her old age. Tell your mother in law to fuck off, there's no way in hell that she is ever coming to live with you. That's what you want to hear, right? Why do you keep coming back here if you already made up your mind?[/quote]

Most people feel better about helping other people who are at least trying to help themselves. I would much rather donate to a family where the sole bread winner works 3 jobs to support his/her family vs. someone who is fully capable to work but chooses to live off of government handouts. Giving a helping hand goes both ways and if MIL expects her family to support her when it appears she isn't doing anything to help herself makes it really hard to be charitable. MIL is still young enough to somewhat help shape the course of her future. If she isn't interested in helping with her granddaughter, which is up to her, she can at least try and find a part time job somewhere. Make an effort. OP - I can understand why you feel resentful and like a PP said, take care of yourself and your immediate family first and then you can assist with the in laws if you can. [/quote]

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