Reply to Rant: What do you hate most about TTC

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[quote=Anonymous]This is so therapeutic to know I am not alone. Here's what I hate. Constantly being asked if we're going to have kids. Feeling sad, envious, and jealous of every pregnant woman I see. Not being able to focus at work at all. Seriously, babies and TTC is all I think about. Googling everything and spending way too much time online reading about TTC and fertility--hours and hours. Blaming myself every time AF comes--was it that glass of wine I had, that yoga class, my run last night? Seeing fat/mean/super old/super young/smoking or otherwise unhealthy moms and feeling bitter and angry that they have babies and I don't, even though I am good with kids/loving/financially stable/healthy/non smoking/etc. I get especially angry when I see trashy teenage moms screaming at their kids or spanking them in public or smoking. I want to shake them and say "you don't even deserve that precious child you have! do you even have a clue what a blessing he/she is and how many women don't have what you have!" But I keep a straight face and keep walking, while silently cursing the Universe for not giving me a child. Worrying my younger sister is going to get pregnant before me and that I will never conceive. Hating DH when he can't perform. Having forced sex for the sole purpose of TTC. Worrying if DH will be able to  finish when we're TTC and not enjoying it at all. Hating all the Facebook baby and kid photos because it reminds me of what I don't have. Feeling angry at close friends who are moms who never my return phone calls because they are too busy with their kids. Feeling like I have no one to talk to except DCUM. Hating myself for the jealousy, frustration, anger, and envy I feel daily. Staring at pregnant women--I see them everywhere and can't stop myself from looking even though I don't want to be creepy. Wishing I could be someone who is chill and relaxed about everything. Pretending to be excited for all the showers/babies/pregnancy announcements around me whe. I want to crawl in a hole. Hating all the stories about how it happened on their first try. No seriously, ef that. I don't want to hear it. Planning for being pregnant for trips/vacations/weddings and not being. Catching people staring at my stomach, wondering. Worrying about what happens if it doesn't happen--I don't want to do IVF or IUI. Taking a million supplements.  Acupuncture even though I hate needles--wondering if I am just wasting my time and money. Regret that I let DH's lack of readiness keep us from trying for two years and feeling like it's too late. Wanting to nurture something little and having nothing to hold. Worrying that if it does happen, how can we even afford to have a baby. [/quote]

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