Reply to Please tell me, 42yo mom of two young kids, the realities of divorce

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Please tell me, 42yo mom of two young kids, the realities of divorce"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Gosh, OP, you can't say you haven't tried. He sounds depressed.

You get one shot at this life. I'm someone who rallies for posters to do everything they can to stay together. But it sounds like you may be at the point where it would be healthier to cut your losses and move on towards finding happiness.

What does he think about separating? [/quote]

thanks.  i certainly have contributed to the situation, i have had to figure that out for myself. H won't tell me things i've done that are good or bad, i get no feedback on my behavior.  so it is all conjecture on my part through individual therapy the role i've played.  the guy just won't TALK about anything that matters.  [b]he wasn't always like this.  [/b]clearly. [b] i am a very emotional person[/b] and i would have never fallen in love with somebody who wasn't giving something of themselves.  a one way relationship is pretty lonely.

he doesn't want to separate.  he was divorced before we met (no kids), so a second divorce would likely crush him.  not that it won't crush me, either.  [/quote]

Men have emotions too. My guess is that because "he wasn't always like this" and because you are "clearly... a very emotional person" you have done things that have deeply hurt his feelings and rather than have conflict with you he has withdrawn from you to avoid getting his feeling hurt even more. My guess is that you do not support and respect him in the way he needs. He probably does not feel emotionally safe with you. He probably feels that if he shares his feelings that you will, in some way, look down on him for having those feelings. Because sex appears to be a main issue for you here and because he stopped initiating sex with you my guess is that you made him feel bad for wanting to have sex with you and now rather than feeling bad (e.g., chasing you and getting rejected) he simply doesn't chase after you.

I'm wondering if you has some instance of early childhood trauma or a very religious upbringing that makes you prudish in some way or judgmental about sex. [/quote]

OP here. I am sure the first half of your post is true but if DH does not tell me these things I have no way of knowing how and when I have hurt him. I can't work on those things if he does not tell me. [b]That is his responsibility that he has shirked. [/b]

Regarding the second half of your post...what? I totally don't understand it. At all. My DH is the prude, not me. Not at all. I never turned him down. I always wanted to have sex. He was the one that stopped initiating and left me to initiate the vast majority of our sexual encounters. So I have no idea how you got to where you did?[/quote]

It really doesn't sound like OP is willing to meet her husband half way... she is looking for support in her decision to leave because it looks like she really wants to blame him.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics