Reply to Do you think you might get divorced once the kids are grown?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
[quote=Anonymous]I think about it sometimes. DH is a very good father and a good man. Sex life has been nonexistent for many years, and I fear if we stay together I'll need to have an affair. Still, we are overall happy together. I just wish there were more of a sexual component to our marriage.[/quote]

This - lack of sex - has been one of my husbands serious complaints, so serious that he has threatened infidelity, or taking a second wife (hope to God that is a joke, but given my disability it might not be.}  Because it is a marriage with kids he has had a hard time figuring out how he would explain this to our children in a theological way - we are devout x religion that has never heard of plural marriage and has always  considered it more of a fantasy.  He has gotten sex on demand since he asked for a divorce since 2007, because like others have said, has done the research and decided we have to wait,  I think his heart broke when his mom left his dad when he was 7)
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Even though I give in every time he asks me to (I'm the disabled one) he complains about the lack of variety.  He gets sex on demand about 4 times a week but when I brought it up in an argument recently he said (in front of my 11 year old daughter) that even the sex wasn't that good because I have to wear a neck brace etc He even gets frustrated when I am having my period.  He knows I am the survivor of a really brutal rape and some of the things he has suggested I do ( I have NEVER, not even in college, given him BJ's and now after falling down the stairs I have TMJ and would need to see  a physical therapist to be able to open my frigging mouth wide enough - imagine that conversation with a PT !)  I feel a little sorry for him because according to him although I had never done it in the ten years we were together before marriage he somehow thought I would get better about this and and enjoy sex more ingeneral and the BJ thing has come out of thin air.  We certainly never discussed it with our priest.\
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i agree with PP that you shouldn't be putting so much info at one place online. someone following this thread who knows you in RL could put things together. if you want to talk about it, you need to break down your issues into separate topics and post in different places so that people don't realize it's the same person.

in respect to your problem, there are many issues here: your husband's hoarding, your disability, your children don't respect you, you don't drive etc. it's looks like one big ball of a problem, while there are may separate problems.

forget your husband for a second. you need to assert authority over your children, your disability and math grades should not matter. i see that your husband is not helpful, but you need to focus on this fight.

driving is no big deal. i don't drive (knew how to but kinda forgot) and i have no problem being there for my children etc. ok, i am not disabled, but the point is, figure out what you can do for them, do it, and make them respect you. those rules are the same for all parents.

i am not sure why are you spending "half a day in bed"? maybe your husband thinks you could be more productive despite your disability? could you? just a thought. you mentioned you were some kind of high powered nyc lawyer? where did that ambition go?

it also looks like there is a whole other issue here - your husband being a hoarder and it thusly socially isolating the whole family?

you need to develop a social network outside of your home, priest, church etc. of course you feel alone and desperate and as if you would lose everything when your husband leave you while, at the same time, you can't talk to anyone about anything in order not to bring "shame" to your family? come on now. you can't choose your family to be the only thing in your life than despair that it is so. i am an introvert myself and i get it to a point but even i have friends and siblings. i don't share everything with everyone but i share enough so that i feel supported and get some useful advice.[/quote]

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