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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it is about race.  Black American males have a disproportionately dysfunctional upbringing and that manifests itself in various ways.  Attributing the bad behavior to racism doesn't erase the bad behavior.  [b]A thug is a thug even if the reason they became a thug was a poor uobringing due to the history of racism.[/b]  At some point black men will have to take responsibility for own behavior despite the history of racism.  Pretending black male behavior is fine and calling OP a racist for pointing out her personal experiences with black men won't change the bad behavior which they need to do if they are sincere about actually wanting women like OP to date black men ratber than.just insukt her.[/quote]

I agree 110%!  Your post really captures what has been bothering me about the constant denial of black men's antisocial behavior:  Even if it is due to the legacy of slavery or segregation or daddy never loving them, what does that have to do with the women who have to deal with black men?  Should we sacrifice ourselves on the altar of PC by choosing men who will never make good husbands and fathers?  That is what a lot of black women do, with disastrous consequences for them and their children.  There is a real misogyny in thinking that is okay.[/quote]

NP here. It does make it very difficult as an educated black woman in her 40s to find eligible black men. There's a lot of damaged souls out there. And like you said, even if I completely understand the circumstance they were born into, it just doesn't hold up as an excuse for what can be some pretty awful behavior.

With children off the table, I was prepared to date white men. It just hasn't happened for me...yet. Loving black men is a lot of work. You can invest the time and do the work, but he will always know there's a line of black women willing to (most happily) deal with his shit. It makes it very difficult.

I have no idea where my heart will lead me. I just wanted to acknowledge the truth of your words.
[/quote]

Thank you for being honest.  DC, NYC, Atlanta, and most big cities are full of black women in your position, yet the liars in this thread would pretend otherwise.  I work with a huge variety of smart, beautiful black women of various shades, backgrounds, personalities, body shapes etc.  They are all united by their terrible experiences dating black men.  Every other demographic of woman in my workplace is married or engaged by 32ish, but the black women are overwhelmingly not married and have no prospects in sight.  The black men are trying to date three, four, or more women at a time and can't be bothered to treat any of their girlfriends decently.  This is real life and a lot has been written on how common this is among American black people.  But if you, as a black woman, decide to opt out, the backlash is swift and suddenly no one knows what you are talking about.  Everything is peachy keen and every black woman they know is married to a faithful, gorgeous black neurosurgeon!  [/quote]

I somewhat agree with this.  Black men do have lots of options if they are educated and have their stuff together.  Unfortunately black males lag in college education and employment, not to mention high incarceration rates.  So for those who want a black man, they may have to settle.  I once had a black guy who is an accountant in DC tell me he found it hard to be faithful and settle down because he had women all over him constantly.  It is true that a black men who looks good and has a good job plus education, has his pick of women for the most part.  I think it's important that black women open up to dating other races of men if they want to get married, also it takes some of the competition away for these men. I have two white girlfriends that love black men, that's all they date.  Both have kids by black men, neither have ever been married and are constantly being played but all they want is a black guy.  So it doesn't just affect black women.  Now, there are some wonderful black men who are loyal, faithful, and believe in marriage but it's just not a priority as a whole for this group in my experience.  [/quote]

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