Reply to Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years

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Reply to "Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So what do you do if you're 28 and your bf of 2 years promises to get married but hadn't done anything to prove its going to be a reality?[/quote]

It's a tough call. Do NOT live with him. In your gut do you feel you are "the one" for him? Or do you think he still imagines there could be someone better for him out there and he is still looking? (Or is he pining for an ex?) Do you truly love him, even his faults? Or would you be settling yourself in some way? Is some progress being made such as your meeting more family, planning vacations farther into the future, talking about more serious issues and envisioning a future life together? [/quote]

I'm not living with him and I do not intend to until after we are married.

He says I'm "the only one for him" and I'm the "love of his life". He's introduced me to his family and told his sister that he is thinking of proposing to me. I don't think he thinks there's someone "better" for him and he certainly isn't looking. I'm just confused since if I am the love of his life, what is he waiting for? Shouldn't he be super excited to start our life together?

It's really frustrating for me since I'm kind of in limbo here. I want to move forward with my life and deepen my relationship with him but I can't because we aren't even engaged! I can't even live with him yet or plan anything else.

We are talking of taking a vacation this year but he's super concerned about the finances.

We do talk about stuff like having children and throw around potential names. He's really sweet and voluntarily helped me out with bills and is talking of getting me a new car etc. 
[/quote]

It all sounds good and encouraging in terms of his feelings and intentions toward you. What about how you feel about him? You didn't mention if he is the love of your life?

One thing I would wonder about is that he has needed to help you out with bills and is talking of getting you a new car. Why are you unable to do these things for yourself? Ideally you would be able to stand on your own two feet, be independent, take care of yourself. Otherwise if somehow you do find yourself in a bad marriage, you may be unable to easily get out. I wouldn't say to break up with your BF to become more independent before you even consider marriage, but can you address whatever the issue may be? Further your education, work to pay off debts, improve your credit, etc.? Or maybe you are in a graduate program or something like that, and that is the reason you aren't quite financially independent yet.

The limbo is uncomfortable but I would be patient longer if he is already talking with his sister about proposing to you. I wouldn't agree to marry him if you don't truly love him and he could be an easy way out of your financial burdens, and if you can imagine a better person being out there for you (if you became a better version of yourself). [/quote]

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