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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The hardest part for me so far is not being able to talk about things with friends (some of my closest friends are also her friends' parents).  My DD would be really upset if I was telling things she told me, but it is hard for me to not discuss what's going on.  When I freak out about something, I don't know if it's worth freaking out about or not.  I used to really value getting advice from friends, and feel that I can't anymore.  [/quote]

I agree[/quote]

It is incredibly isolating.  I've gotten to the point where I don't ask others how their kids are doing to stave off questions about my own.

And there is a whole class of people who like to hear all this stuff to validate themselves at what superior parents they are--ugh!  Their advice needless to say is quite worthless--something like the tough love, you're the boss, i wouldn't tolerate this in my child things that pop up on these boards, likely from parents of ten year olds.

I actually find trusted people at work who are not in your normal social circle helpful if they also have kids facing challenges as well.  I have gotten lots of tips and have someone I can vent to when things really go off the rails.  And they have something similar as well in me.  But there are places one can't go even with these people--drug use being one.[/quote]

I have nobody but my DH to vent to. 
My teen has adhd and refuses meds. The other has ocd.
This is just not how I imagined my life.[/quote]

PP who wrote about talking to people at work.

PP your response made me feel very sad.

No, this is not the way I imagined my life either.  But actually a whole new set of possibilities one never considered before opens up when you are faced with challenging teenagers.

It is hard to abandon the unconsciously assumed course you thought your kids would take, but it is necessary in order to appreciate the very different, but still positive ways their lives might evolve.  This is why I am not much for tough love approaches--it is too much my way or the highway, when my way might just be completely inappropriate for my child.

Both ADHD and OCD can have some really positive aspects to them, hard as that may seem to believe.  In the past couple of days, I had discussions with two colleagues.  One has ADHD, but learned to adapt and has some of the most extraordinary insights.  The other has OCD that enables him to be completely passionate about certain things in work and has made him a formidable force.

Sadly, the colleague with ADHD has a daughter with the same and he and his wife broke up over idfferences in her treatment.

PP try to find someone else with a challenging teen with whom you can discuss what is happening.  It isn't just to share the problems, but also the small victories that one has to have BTDT to appreciate.  I remember a colleague who couldn't wait to share with me that his daughter had gone to a doctor's appointment.  Ordinarily not worth mentioning, but she hadn't left the house for two years.

I am also the PP referred to earlier as Heroin Mom.  Pretty much everyone's worst nightmare.  But to my surprise I now have a child who without any input from me does tons of volunteer work at really tough places in anti-drug education.  Attending lots of NA meetings has given her huge insight into work problems.  DC in fact told me (harangued is more the word) to address a personnel issue as soon as it happened or it would snowball and was completely right.  I know few older teens who would have such insights.

Nothing like what I imagined it would be, but still not bad.  Things do have a way of working out if we will let them. [/quote]

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