Reply to Complicated Issue: Best Way to Blend this Unique Family????

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Reply to "Complicated Issue: Best Way to Blend this Unique Family????"

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm going to assume that the OP's story is true and make a few points based on my experience and my friends' experiences:

1. Although you say you plan to marry, you also plan to date for a long time as well. You are really putting the cart before the horse here by worrying about the financial arrangements before you meet his kids, he meets your ds and kids meet each other, etc. Work on that first. You need to "blend" the family first and then go to an attorney and financial planner for advice on how to work out the finances. Also, for someone who has a job and two homes, you seem hyper focused on his money...

2. Don't ever tell his daughters that you think you were the "one that got away." Even if his marriage wasn't perfect (and what marriage is perfect, really?), he and his wife had two kids and a life together.

3. Please honor their mother and remember that she had an importance place in their father's life. Yes, you have known him for 30 years but he had a life and a family and don't minimize that. My stepmother has never "allowed" my father to answer a question about my (deceased) mother when my children have asked about my mom in her presence.  She could have said "it's fine - I'm sure the kids want to know about their grandmother or something." Instead, she's silent so my dad ignores the questions. Be generous - you're alive, she isn't.

4. Of course, his in-laws, etc. want him to be happy and not be alone. But that doesn't mean it is going to be easy on everyone and that you will be welcomed with open arms. Especially if you are moving into their daughter's house and re-arranging everything.

If you are waiting two years to get married, then you have plenty of time to work all of this out. You are likely going to have a lot more to work out on the emotional side than the financial side as you seem to be completely oblivious to the fact that you are involved with a widower with two kids who recently lost their mom. It sounds like you think that he's been sitting around waiting for you to come back into his life all these years and the girls are just inconveniences. I'm sure that you didn't intend to come across that way but that's how it came across to me.[/quote]

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