Reply to In shock - he cheated

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How did he feel about the other woman?  Did he love her or was it more of a physical nature?  I would be less concerned if he honestly had feelings for another woman and you at the same time while long-distance.  That makes more sense to me than why he had so many flirtations going on at once.  That seems to me more of a serial nature that may be hard to break for a 40-something year old.  Also, this is key, did he LIE to you during these periods, like he was on a date with OW and told you that he was working late?  Or did you have the type of distance relationship where you would go 48 hours without speaking and then just pick up where you left off vs. recounting what you did for the past two days?  To me, these details are important because you are getting at the root of his character (the lying and serial cheating) vs. someone who fell for two people and took a while to make up his mind.[/quote]

I see your thoughts here. The other woman was someone he had met ten years ago on a dating site after his divorce. She lived in a different state, and he saw her physically three times in ten years. They were mostly friendly, but things turned more romantic and personal around the time he and I met. He said he was keeping his options open in the early days of our relationship as we didn't know how things might work out with the distance. This I understand. I did the same. And we were both open about it. But after two years of knowing each other and one year of dating, we grew more serious, discussed being exclusive and then took two different paths: I remained true to him and committed, and he did not. He moved forward with our relationship, falling in love with me, proposing to me, making plans to relocate with me, but continuing to be in touch with this other woman. He said he cared about her, but did not love her, did not tell her he loved her, did not promise a future for them. Through emails I read I can see that she repeatedly asked to make the relationship more - to be GF/BF, to plan for a future, and he told her he couldn't do it and he cared for her but didn't want it repeatedly. Yet, he carried this on, both the emotional and physical when seeing her while we were committed and sadly even when we were engaged. While we were LDR, we spoke and texted daily, Skyped a few times a week. We saw each other every month. Yet obviously, we spent a lot of physical time apart. This I am sure is why it may have been so easy for him to have something else going on. It might even be a reason he felt he could keep it going.

We both need to find out if this is his true nature and character or a giant fuck-up on an otherwise unmarred "record." [/quote]

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