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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I have been in your situation.  If you have no kids, I would advise you to end the relationship.  Your gut is telling you this anyway -- it is processing far more information than your brain.  Follow your gut.

This kind of deception and need to be stroked by outsiders isn't something that just ends overnight.  Your DH has given you "reasons" that seem to shift the blame to you (long distance, etc.).

What I have learned in the years since discovering my ex's extensive flirtations and affairs of all varieties is that 1) what you know is still only the tip of the iceberg and 2)  the ability to behave this way is indicative of a serious lack of character 3) remorse doesn't change the underlying character defects and 4)  you have a right to live with someone who will treat you more honorably.

I am amazed, in the years since my relationship ended, to discover the myriad of ways I was allowing others excuses to diminish my life.  I thought I was being "flexible" and "compromising" and dealing with the "realities of life".  In the end what I realized is that there are good people out there.  If you pay attention to their actions and not their words, you will see easily who is worth your time and affection.

Your husband, sorry to say, is not worthy.

P.S., I strongly disagree with PPs who say that you must learn to "trust" and not ask for full transparency/access on social media, email, etc.  Trust is earned, not blindly given.  Your husband had your trust, lost it and now must earn it back thru his actions not his words.  Full transparency, complete honesty, and a real commitment thru extensive therapy to look inward at the character defects that made this situation possible are the actions you should be looking for.  [/quote]

I agree with this, but in order to get to that point of decision, OP needs to take some time to process it all, talk to a therapist or close friend and ultimately, she will know whether her husband's behavior was a one time mistake (more like "a period in his life" mistake) or if it's indicative of a larger personality or character flaw. If it's the latter, I think he cannot be made into a trustworthy, committed and loyal person (therapy notwithstanding), and even though OP may choose to stay, there will always be a high risk for lying, cheating and deception. Who wants to live with this suspicion cloud hanging over the marriage, especially once they have kids? I would look for signs that he shows integrity, which would be to own his mistakes and fully acknowledge his responsibility, not try to pin anything on you, on being long distance or any other external cause for his actions, no gas lighting, no denial, no diversion, etc. 
I am sorry this is happening OP. I've been through this (still am) and it's horrible. Your entire world as you know it falls apart and you have to rebuild it, either way. When I found out about my husband's infidelity I started digging some information and found emails he sent to another woman before we got married and were long distance, but already committed to get married. A very over the top romantic email asking her to meet him was sent just a few days after I had been with him in his town, where I thought we had spent wonderful days together.  It was very hurtful to realize he had been unfaithful all along, although it gave me relief that it was not due to something I did or didn't do (I know, I know, but I couldn't avoid blaming myself) and it was just who he is. In my case it quickly became clear he was a serial cheater with very poor judgement, who actively chased women with zero regard for me and our family (we have two kids). I hope you can sort through this, OP, and make the best decision for yourself and your future. [/quote]

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