Reply to Making time for kids? Study says quality trumps quantity

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This has turned into something out of The Onion: "Study Shows You Are Living Your Life All Wrong."

I got very far in life -- through high school and college and graduate school -- without the general public weighing in on what the heck I wanted to do with myself every day. Nobody cared what I majored in, or what kinds of summer jobs I had, or who I dated, or where and how we wanted to live. (I can only assume I was living my life all wrong back then too.) Suddenly, when I have a kid, women started criticizing me for whether and how long I breastfed, whether my kids were eating organic, whether and how much I worked, even what kind of stroller or baby carrier I used. And they could all show me a study to demonstrate their point.

[b]I'm not quite a SAHM and I'm not quite disputing the article, but come on, did you expect SAHMs to say "you're right, I've been doing what was working for my family for 5 years, but now that I've read this study I'm totally convinced I was wrong and will start sending our resumes ASAP"?[/b]
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I agree with you completely and, no, I would never expect SAHMs to say that at all. I'm not looking for them to say that. I am a big believer in minding your own business and not spending a lot of time worrying about the choices other people make. That being said, though, [b]I sure would appreciate it if SAHMs would stop either implying or stating definitively that I love my child less than they do, that I'm not raising my own child, and that I'm making a lesser choice for my child.[/b] I would never ever presume to say such a thing to another person (mostly because I wouldn't believe it, AND because it's incredibly smug and presumptuous). [/quote]

This.  I know a lot of moms who work--mostly by choice, not because they have to--and I've never once heard any one of them say anything nasty about someone else's choice to stay home (other than to say that it's just not for them).  On the other hand, I see a TON of stay at home moms (including multiple times on this thread) imply that they love their kid more than I do, or are more willing to "sacrifice" or that I'm not raising my own kid, or that they are somehow just doing a better job at this mom thing than I am.  Your choice to stay at home does not make you a better mom.  It just doesn't.[/quote]

Their forthrightness does not come out of a place of guilt, it comes out of deep love and concern for the children, because they could not imagine being apart like that from their kids and leaving them with people who might not share the deep bond that they have developed with their kids, which grows rich with time.[/quote]

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