Reply to How to talk race and diversity with a preschooler?

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Reply to "How to talk race and diversity with a preschooler?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am the poster to whom you are referring. I think you misunderstood me. Maybe you did not read all of the previous posts, because I was responding to posters who said that it was wrong to be emphatic. I did not say anything about white parents are not being emphatic. I was saying that there is nothing wrong with being emphatic and did not understand why others labeled this as the wrong approach. Just wanted to clear that up for ya.[/quote]

thanks for responding. :)[/quote]
No problem, I just wanted to be clear about my point. Other poster keeps arguing with me that being emphatic is shaming and traumatic and does not allow the kid to learn. I beg to differ. Maybe I have a different definition of emphatic[/quote]

The other poster seems to be arguing that when you tell a child they are not allowed to use certain words, the child will stop using those words in conversation with you  but may continue to think the words in their head.  You seem to be arguing that by changing the language the child uses (eliminating the bad words), the thoughts will change in response.  Neither of these arguments seem crazy to me.  I'm surprised that each of you---two of the more thoughtful posters I've seen in my too-many years on DCUM---can't each see the value in the other's approach.  Different strokes, I guess.[/quote]
Kudos to you -- I think you gave a much more thoughtful and plausible explanation of the other poster's point. Let me clarify my point. I am not saying that eliminating the words, eliminates the thoughts. As an English major, and quite frankly a black person for almost 50 years, I understand the power of language. I understand that it is important for people to be "THOUGHTFUL" and to "THINK ABOUT" the words that they use. Words have the power to EMPOWER and to DEMEAN. I never once said that all you say to a child is to "not say those words". That's simplistic, ineffective, and asinine. What I said is that you tell kids that is not how you refer to other people, that is not  how you judge people. You explain that the wrong words can hurt, minimize and demean another person. Even if that is not your intention.As I mentioned before, I tell my kids all the time that people are affected by your actions, not your intentions. And yes, in a way, words are actions. So, on an age appropriate level, you let them know what NOT to say, and you give them better words/phrases, you explain, you lead and you guide. That's what parents do. And for me, there is nothing wrong in being clear about 'that is not what we do, it is hurtful'. I do not think that is shaming or traumatizing and that it is part of a life long conversation and education. NO one gets it after one time. You keep talking. The other poster erected a strawman, I NEVER said that eliminating the words magically changed the thoughts. But when their is wrong action, you have to call it out, stop it, and teach from there. End of story.[/quote]

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