Reply to DS (21) Refused to go to grandmother's funeral

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, when I was in college (10+ years ago) I missed my Granfather's funeral. I regret it to this day.

Thing is, I could not go. I had a shitty job that I may have been able to get out of for the weekend. But I learned about his passing five days before the funeral, and learned the date of it three days before. It was not possible to suddenly drop everything and fly down on such short notice.

Luckily, my family was very supportive. My grandmother told me, when I called to offer my condolences, that she completely understood I would have been there if I could, but she planned the funeral so quick afterwards for a reason (so she wasn't mourning for a month until it happened, and it could be over with).

It didn't mean that I "didn't fucking care" about my grandfather, I loved him. It didn't mean I didn't regret not being there, I still do. But maybe cut your son some slack? The fact that so few of his cousins showed up suggests to me that maybe there was more to this then just him saying "Fuck it." Maybe they didn't have much notice, or maybe his/their relationship with his/their grandfather as you thought.

To cut financial support seems like a drastic action to me.[/quote]

OP, you really need to read the above post. I would wait until your anger and grief calms and then think about the situation. If you still want to cut support, then do so. Maybe it would be best for other reasons, but not so sure missing the grandparent's funeral is one of them, if most of the other cousins didn't come it sounds like there was some kind of disconnect happening there--either among your siblings and their children or the cousins and the grandparents.

I've been treated so badly by my family after my DH missing a family funeral that I pretty much wish now that I had not shown up. If you cut financial support over this issue, your son may not come crying back to you like you want. It may just create a permanent rift and he may be just as happy to go his own way.[/quote]

Pp, you are projecting the dysfunction of your own family onto OP's.  There is no indication that their relationship is so bad that the son would cut off all contact after this incident. [/quote]
OP is clearly very angry. There's no way that's not going to bleed into their relationship.[/quote]

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