Reply to He says he's old-fashioned, but keeps letting me set up dates, and pay

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, I'm the poster you responded to at 22:06. 
You seem really nice, kind, polite even to Internet strangers that are not so nice...and does that extend to guys you date?
Are you a people pleaser by any chance? Are you the friend who is always the giver, always the one keeping the friendship going?
You seem to be letting this guy lead, not asserting yourself, almost afraid to rock the boat. 
You're not responsible for his feelings.
He is, by all your accounts, not worth any more time or dates. This is not going to get better, he has shown you clearly who  he is and it's not good. I don't necessarily think he's married but he is awkward socially and trying to label himself, relationships and you now with guides for restaurant choice, paying, planning sex.
I bet he took some dating help class or read some ridiculous book and that is where these behaviors are coming from.
Just some things to think about![/quote]

Generally speaking, yes, I am nice, kind and polite - and yes, I hope that extends to guys I date. I believe that if you bother to ask other people for advice, you should at least consider what they have to say. I also like to think I'm self-aware enough to see that I could have been perceived as ignoring some good advice, but knew that I had my reasons I was comfortable with for handling it the way I did - but that doesn't mean the advice wasn't good.

I don't actually think I'm a people-pleaser. It might mean different things to different people, but to me, the people-pleaser thing to do when he said he doesn't like to see more than one person at a time, and wanted to see me more often, would have been to agree (which I didn't) and not say that I think everyone who is dating online should assume their dates are also going out with other people until a conversation is had about exclusivity (which I did).

I'm definitely averse to confrontation, but I don't just knuckle under, either, and again - don't like to rush when I make decisions, but am plenty stubborn once I do. [/quote]

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