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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Will explore summer school. Not happy about paying for it, so she will need to get a job and finance it herself for any classes she fails as a final grade.

All of my other children (including older DD) do well in school. Dealing with a teen who is not academically motivated is exhausting. [b]I can't fathom not caring about being dumb[/b] ( or at least having grades that reflect not being smart). [/quote]

Typical situation, OP. Older children achieve up to your expectations, you never thought one of your kids would be an underperformer, and you as a parent find yourself unequipped to deal with such a child. You blame her, not you. You do not pause to consider what her psychological health is, with all this pressure on her.

And worst of all, the bolded above. As a parent of a child who is gifted with learning disabilities, and who has had atrocious grades despite a high IQ and demonstrated abilities, I find it deplorable that you can equate underperformance with stupidity, and reading between the lines, that you would find stupidity to be unlovable.

That's a terrible message to be sending to your child, OP. She has likely stopped trying to please you because she feels that nothing she will ever do is good enough. So the solution is to show her, in words and actions, that whatever she does, she will be valued and loved. That having good grades is her choice and her responsibility, and that if she needs your help, a tutor, organizational coaching, you will provide it.

Do you know what Dr. Stixrud, the famous neuropsychologist, says to his teen patients, many of whom are bright but unmotivated?
"I don't give a shit about your grades. I want you to understand that anything worth doing or having in this life takes hard work. So you can drop out for all I care, but I want you to find something you want to do and work hard to achieve your goal. This might mean going to community college and transferring to UMD. Or it could mean finding a job right away. Or it could mean applying yourself now in high school to get into another university that's best for the goal you have in mind. But ultimately it's your life, and you'll have to work hard to do what you want with it."

Don't blame her, but put the power of choice squarely on her shoulders.

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