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[quote=Anonymous]When I say I'm the primary caregiver after work and my wife comes home late what do you all think that means?  As well as I don't want my kids to go to daycare too early?

I'm not going to explain myself again because have already said it enough times.

The one thing I will say is that I understand my FMLA rights and fully utilized it for both births.  People are supposed when I used it but it's a perk of the job that I use and why I stayed there in anticipation of the second kid.  The reason why I mention this is because it annoys me how coworkers act like it's a big vacation for me.  But it wasn't.  For the first kid we had the issues that required going to the NICU, which I admit my part in, and then the follow up appointments that followed.  By the time we were in the clear my wife was still spending most of the time recovering.  By the time I went back to work my wife went back to school shortly afterwards as well as working full time.  That year afterwards with the personal and alone time with my son is something that I truly cherished.  And I really hate the fact that our second child cannot have the same attention that was given the first one.  And you can probably gather that I can be overbearing.  So in my eagerness to be a good dad maybe I took a lot of things out my wife's hands and didn't give her the opportunity to do it on her own. (Although it annoyed me a lot at how often she would try to hand off the kid to someone else)

With the second one I utilized the same FMLA time.  But my work was such a mess I spent the first several weeks working at home.  Another perk on why I stay at the job.  While the first couple of days I turned around and tried to take care of the kid, we eventually ran into some issues again, where I decided to let her take care of him.  Like I said, I give her full credit for taking care of the second kid and putting the effort in.  Also there were issues with the second kid that required running around for referrals and going to specialists, where we were never really in the clear until it was close for me to go back to work.

You're right about me being emotional manipulative and I will think about it.  The other house isn't actually a big issue as I made it out to be.  I let it slip that we do have a shared account.  And my rule is that we can't buy the next home until at least one of the homes is paid off and we have at least 20% cash for the next one.  (but preferably as much as possible, I say even 100% would be possible)  And I know that's a touchy subject that would anger her if I bring it up.  So only bring it up when I want that reaction.  Yeah I know manipulative.  But other than, like I said when there is a trigger of something it's hard for me to let go.  So whenever it's time to pay the bills the thought crosses my mind how different the finances would be if we stuck to my original plan.  And yes that was my plan.  As long as we lived together and have had issues, this past week was the first time that I ever brought up that our home is actually my home.

As for being emotional manipulative you're right.  Another thing I used to do was if by the time I was done doing the dishes and she wasn't home, I'd take our child out until it was time to get ready to go to bed.  My thought was that if she couldn't make it in time for dinner she didn't deserve to spend anytime with him.  I know that was bad and feel bad about it.  (Sometimes)

But you're also right that I realize that a lot of the issues is due to the instability of the job.  It's just easy to forget when you're mad or resentful.  And like I said I hate it when I can't give the same attention to both kids as the first used to get, trying to heat up dinner, and with them both vying for your attention.  So when that happens the resentment builds.  When there are no issues, I'm generally okay.

But there were issues building up and if I don't get a release then it festers.  So on my end I'm actually better afterwards.  The issue is that my wife and I fight back with each other.  Where all it would take is for one person to backdown and the issue wouldn't escalate.  But the way we are it escalated to that level but like I said, I already had issues festering beforehand.  Some of it triggers of issues we had earlier in our relationship.

And even though we are better today as if nothing occurs (unless she turn around and leaves me without warning), I did make it a point to tell her about the underlying issue that I can't let go and that something triggered the memories of it.  On most days I probably don't think about it.  But when I do remember it's hard to let go.  She got upset because there are issues on her end about it as well but I did my best to let her know that we can't change the past but can try to move forward.

I know I have my issues and as mentioned do plan to do better.  I know I've had a bad attitude for a while.  I think some of it, is maybe planning some alone time to remember what we liked about each there.

(sorry this was long but think it will really be the last message because don't think there's anymore for me to say on the issue.  Like I said, I don't plan to argue my points anymore.  And I've spent an incredibly long time on this thread even though I said I wouldn't)

Also I admit I can be a nag.  I blame it on being raised in a household full of woman.  So some of you are right that I am like a woman.[/quote]

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