Reply to Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?

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Reply to "Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Thx for the discussion (kids & competitive sports is always such a hot topic these days); it's helping me think through this.  I'm not going to do anything proactive and will let it go, but I wanted to flesh out how I felt and thought about it, for myself.  I'm not thinking and feeling anything about the 14-year old, besides feeling badly this happened if it is stressing him out in any way or if he feels like he is missing out at no fault of his own truly.  That's a kid and I totally understand whatever reaction he could have.  I guess it's more disappointment in that this happened and in my sister as well.  And in the state of these dumb sports.  That last piece is probably the most healthy place to put my disappointment and frustration.  That and the bad luck of my sister having a brain lapse.  I feel for my sister.  She feels horrible.  We all do.

To answer some questions/add a few details:  No idea if my nephew (it's really a second niece & the sport is not soccer but dumbly I thought let me change those two facts to be more anonymous!) will even get any playing time.  He's not a star and it's a much less popular sport in their locale, but he's still solid and making the team as a freshman (or at all) is great.  And it will be a great experience.  And the first tournament will be amazingly fun I am sure.  And playing on the team may define his high school experience and have lots of positive impacts.  I get all of that.  Flipside is there are lots of games and lots of practices, for years.  I saw this with my older niece (who will play her sport in college next year) - it's never ending and all considered key critical.  Oddly my sister never played a sport and I played into college!

This will be a relatively small wedding of 50-60 with 20 of those my immediate family (mom, dad, 95yo grandmother, aunt, uncle, cousins, their kids, and sister's family) and about 15 my partner's immediate family.  Rest are friends.  I spoke with my sister to see if my niece and nephew would do a reading each.  This was before the date ah-ha moment, and she said she spoke to them and they'd love to.  There is no wedding party and so the only other participants are me and my partner and the officiant.  That being said, I'm a flexible person and we will shift that and have my older niece read one poem or do them both.  I really don't think I am being self-centered or making this about me.  I'm just disappointed and my reaction was surprise and yes initial judgment at the choice of my sister (not the kid). My sis and husband and older niece are coming.  You asked about how close I am to them.  How do you put this on a spectrum?  Do I fly down and take them out to lunch and am the aunt of the year, no.  Did I just drive down 4 hours for Xmas to see them, yes, did I drive down to Richmond to watch the older one's tourney earlier this month, yes, did I go up to Belair to watch the younger in a club tourney in 30 degree weather when my sister gave me 2-hours advance notice of the tourney (so I didn't feel obligated to go), yes, do we text, yes, do we vacation for a week at the beach altogether annually, yes, Thanksgiving too.  Anyway, not sure that matters and how everyone defines close.  It feels close to all of us, I think it's safe to say, but not like some special bizarre close.

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