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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Former here again, to the PP with the wife, does she think her behavior is a problem? Does she care that she's alienated her family?

If she does, she can be helped. One problem with BPD is that they cannot recognize the connection between their behavior and the outcome. You can help her realize that her behavior helps shape the negative outcomes she is experiencing. This may sound obvious to most people, but BPD have low-impulse control and they truly do not see this.

I remember "teaching" myself that when i was upset I should think about what I wanted to do (lashing out) and what the end result was that I wanted (to be loved, accepted) and whether the first would take me on the road to the second. and if not WHERE did the first road lead? and also, WHAT was the road to the second result.

So I would allow myself to feel the rage, write about it, fume about it, maybe vent to a close friend, but NOT act on it with the involved party. Then, when I was calmer, take the action that i thought would bring me the result I wanted.

This felt a) fake and b) incredibly frightening to admit I was feeling hurt when it felt so much "safer" to lash out in anger, which made me feel in control.

It is a learning process.[/quote]

Dear Former, I hope you are still out there?  I am curious what led you to the self realization that you had a problem?  Did you seek therapy?  I am really wondering what it took for you to change?  I am struggling with my DW who is now alienated from everyone in her and my family. She doesn't she that she is the common denominator in all her interpersonal relationship problems and blames everyone else.  Just yesterday she raged for three hours and when I calmly told her that if she was going to continue behaving as she was at the time, I did not want to be around her.  My boundary setting does not seem to work.  I am really at a loss of what do other than file for divorce at this point.  It is a miserable life! [/quote]

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