Reply to Is a cheated-on spouse better off knowing or not knowing?

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Reply to "Is a cheated-on spouse better off knowing or not knowing?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's a difficult issue.  There are some people who legitimately and for good reason would not want to know.  The existence of such people, however, gives many cheaters cover not to confess to spouses who might well want to know.

I am a DH, and I would much rather know; I have no interest in living a lie, among other reasons.  But I can understand why others might make different choices.  It's a tough issue.  [/quote]

I agree that it's not a straight-forward issue. I'm a DW, and I'd definitely want to know. I want to be authentic and deal with the difficult truths in our marriage rather than gloss over them.

I have a friend, however, who's been cheating on his DW for a long time (no, I'm not the OW). I really don't understand it because he loves his wife, and they seem to have a really good marriage with lots of fun together (I’ve never met her). And yet, he says that he cheats because that's how he has been able to stay married. He isn’t sexually satisfied in his marriage and therefore needs the excitement of being with other sexual partners. He's very good at compartmentalizing, so has never fallen for any of his lovers. He says he knows his wife and she wouldn’t want to know. I wonder how it’s possible that she [i]hasn't[/i] figured it out, as the signs are all there. It makes me think that on some level, she knows and doesn't delve too deeply because it would rock her world. We see what we want to see...

I could never have that sort of willful ignorance. Even knowing the pain it might cause me knowing the truth.

[/quote]

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