Reply to How did you find a family-oriented husband?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How did you find a family-oriented husband?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a family-oriented Dad...I met my wife online.  It wasn't complicated to find each other: we both just talked.

I just wanted to share my story because it conflicts with a couple of the common tropes/myths being propagated here.

1) Faith based BS: We are both basically Pastafarians - Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster - we are not "believers".  The Corinthians snippet remains on target: we share this value, and more importantly, we share the same way of seeing and approaching the world (which does not involve the super-natural or mystical), and all this means is we have less (not zero) conflict.  This isn't relevant to children, per-se, any more than it is to all aspects of a partnership.  You can be totally non-religious and still meet this item.

2) Come from "family oriented" families BS.  My wife comes from a small family, in which the nuclear family is pretty strong, intact and healthy.  My ILs are fantastic.  My ILs are both highly alienated from their families and had strained relationships with their own parents. I come from a dysfunctional family; I get along with my mother, but don't really like her and we have a...tightly choreographed relationship, none of which I hide from my wife or hid when we first met (I pretty much talked openly about it).  Interestingly, my BIL also comes from a dysfunctional 
FOO and like me, has a similarly strained relationship with his parents.  All our "families" have in common a background of alienation and are driven by that - in a conscious choice - to create new, functional and happy families.  I won't even start down the list of truly horrific, toxic and enmeshed crazy families who are "close" and "tight".

All we had to do to find each other was be up front - clear and direct - about what we wanted out of a relationship.  Every one of the online dating systems has ample opportunities to talk about whether or not you want kids.  I was the more family/child-driven of the two of us; my wife is an MD, and had arrived at the point where she thought kids might not happen for her and had made peace with that.  Her career is more demanding than mine.  We do share the load and we do share values.  When you are evaluating a new partner, remember that talk - particularly overt "values" religiosity (for you scripture-quoters, why do these people always seem to forget Matthew 6:5?) - is [b]cheap[/b]; listen to what they say and then see how well their actions match up with what they say.  You're better off with someone who promises less but does what they say than anyone else.  [/quote]

So much this. Well said PP. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics