Reply to Would You Remain Married If You Didn't Have Kids Together?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My answer is yes, I'd remain married, but I agree with some PPs that this is a depressing thread.

We have four kids; three are grown and one heads off to college in a couple of years.  After 25+ years with my DH, we're still very much in love & enjoy an active sex life.  He's my best friend, cliched as that sounds.

I tend to think of myself as a hedonist in many respects, but I guess compared to some others I wouldn't even register.  I don't expect to have earth-shattering, passionate sex for the rest of my life, but the warmth & intimacy of our lovemaking is wonderful for both of us.

[b]I wonder if as many people in the real world feel the way DCUMers do.  [/b]

[/quote]

[b]50% of marriages end in divorce, and my guess is at least half of marriages that stay the duration are functional but not very fun[/b].  Then consider that BOTH halves of the couple need to be happy, i.e. one spouse is happy with sex or lack thereof and the other isn't.  So it should be no surprise that most people wouldn't stay if the kids weren't in the picture.

Signed, a DH who would is in a functional marriage with a great wife who has almost no sex drive and I would be gone in a heartbeat if we didn't have kids.[/quote]

It's actually been studied that the "50% of marriages end in divorce" stat isn't entirely accurate. The divorce rate has been dropping since women entered the workforce and is definitely lower among people with college degrees and among those who marry later. I think it is important to understand that there are reasons besides "exciting" sex to get and stay married. Good sex is absolutely necessary for most couples, but it should not be the ONLY reason for marriage. Anyways, I'm rambling, I think that sometimes people use the "50%" statistic to rationalize divorce or unhappiness [b]instead of trying to work on the relationship[/b].[/quote]

I agree with everything you say about divorce rates, excuses, etc.  But your point about needing to work on a relationship is why I am also would probably leave DW if we didn't have kids.  Why would I want to work on my relationship with my wife, "the talk", therapy, asking for more intimacy, etc. when I could find that quite easily in a new relationship.  But for kids, when the sex/inimacy dies down in any other relationship, it's a sign that it's time to move on.  [/quote]

Well, to each his own I guess. I am PP. I think that the security and love and intimacy that you get from knowing and being with a person for so long is worth working on. I'm not saying every person should work on their marriage, because I do think there are circumstances with extreme resentment that warrant divorce or seperation, but many people are saying they wouldn't stay married just because the sex is "boring". That is totally something that can be worked on for the other benefits that I had mentioned. I think communication is so important in a relationship, and if it is maintained, you can have something truly beautiful with your spouse. I am not advocating for anyone to stay in a sexless marriage if it isn't what they want, but just leaving because "sex with the same person is boring" is sad to me, and I do think people who don't get married for that fear are going to regret it someday.[/quote]

I get what you are saying - marriage is more than just sex.  But without a healthy and mutually satisfying sex life, you aren't really a married couple - you are basically good friends who aren't providing and indeed denying your spouse the chance for a full blown romantic and sexual relationship.  Without sex, it's marriage in name only.[/quote]

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