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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've really slowed down my posting recently b/c of the guy (or troll or multiple men) who are posting such angry, bitter posts about women -- especially single, divorced or both.

Yes, I am a woman, I am a mother, I am divorced and...wait for it, I also work full time and support myself.  My ex pays child support -- which, newsflash, is for the kids.  I've been dating a single father for over a year, but have been divorced much longer.  I did not come to DCUM when I was first divorced, but I could have used some of the insights.  I felt alone and had no clue about dating.  I'm glad you are so open with your views -- happy to avoid any man that views me or my kids in this negative way.

I do, however, want to give advice when my experience can be helpful to someone else going through a situation that I've been through. [b] If this were your sister, would you be this judgmental and vile towards her?  If this were your daughter, would you berate her for choosing the wrong spouse and trying to find some romantic relationship in her personal life?  Would you constantly shoot back saying that no man will ever want her unless she goes for the ugliest, most unsuccessful man she can find?[/b]  It's enough already and I just look at what you do as beating someone when they are down.  That says to me that you are incredibly insecure and most likely hurt by a woman. It appears that you have some serious anger issues and I'm sure that comes across to people who get to know you IRL.

If the OP needs some blunt advice about what she might be doing wrong in terms of meeting men, then go ahead and give it.  Not suggesting it has to be rainbows and unicorns.  She asked for input on why she's not meeting men as a single mother.  How is your opinion that kids should have married parents relevant to her question?

I hope people will continue to give real responses to the different questions posed in these threads.[/quote]

Your response unlike that of most of the women on this forum is well reasoned and fair and you have commented on a situation that I have actually confronted. So I will answer a point you made.

Someone close to me who relies heavily on my advice was in the very situation you describe. She got married to someone quite unsuitable for her and I told her gently that she was making mistake but she went through with it. I wished her well and hoped for the best. Two years and one child later, she got divorced. She was terribly hurt.

She spent the next NINE years trying to find someone with whom she could enter into a meaningful relationship. The biggest problem she had was the fact that she was a single mother and most of the men she went with did not want a serious relationship with a woman who had a young child. Now we are talking about an attractive, accomplished professional woman who went to a couple of the top schools in the country and today holds a high profile position in the corporate world.

She would come to me lamenting about how difficult it was to find a suitable guy. I never condemned her for her poor choice in the failed marriage. I did tell her that she was aiming too high in terms of the type of guy she wanted a relationship. I told her that she needed to be realistic about the fact that many men don't want to raise another man's child. It is just the way it is. She finally lowered her sights and ended up in a relationship with a guy who is a wonderful person but no where close to earning the kind of money she makes or fitted the profile of the type of guy she was looking for. When she introduced him to me I liked the guy and told her so. She had reservations and felt that she could do better but she took my advice and married him. They have been married for several years and are generally happy. They have children though his relationship with the child from the first marriage is erratic.

But ultimately she had to compromise in terms of what she was looking for. He is not ugly or uncouth by any means. He is a decent person - a lot better than her first husband. But he earns about a quarter of what she does - and he makes a six figure income.

So what is the lesson in this story? First, it is very very difficult for a single mother to find a guy to enter into a serious relationship. A woman needs to be willing to set her sights much lower than if she were marrying for the first time. Most women - including the woman I referenced above - are usually not willing to do this until there is a realization that not doing so will likely lead to never finding a suitable man. The woman I mentioned above was financially independent. If she were not, I believe it would have been even harder for her to find a suitable mate.

BTW, I think there are several posters - not just one - who are being castigated for being less than tactful. It is not one poster - and certainly I don't think any of them are trolls, at least based on the usual definition of the term.[/quote]

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